I don’t usually listen to the radio in the morning, I prefer audiobooks. But today my phone wasn’t charged, so while I waited for it to come back to life I listened to the radio. The DJ’s were playing a round of “First World Problems”. You know this game? People would call it with things like, “Didn’t have time to make breakfast this morning so I had to stop somewhere and pay someone to make it for me.”
I immediately started wondering what this would look like in Shakespeare’s world…
First World Shakespeare Problems
- Helped my incompetent husband not screw up a simple regicide, and got blood on myself. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- Need to buy new pillow set, Desdemona got makeup stains all over one of our best ones. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- Getting annoyed that new hot guy wasn’t giving me the time of day, but apparently he’s a girl. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- When your mother embarrasses you in front of your mortal enemy by telling you not to invade Rome. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- Stuck on an island for thirteen years with exactly one boy, and when he finally decides to make a move on me Dad walks in. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- My wife’s a statue. So, what, does that mean we’re divorced, am I widowed, what’s the ruling here? When can I start seeing other people? #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- Not really sure why I’m an ass all of a sudden, but this girl I just met is really into it. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- Dad not to content to call me a useless do nothing while he was alive, now his ghost does it. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- Incorrectly called my fiancee a whore on our wedding day (not my fault!) and she literally died of embarrassment, now I’m stuck marrying her cousin. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- And he doesn’t leave any poison for me, though, does he? You let the girl have the poison and the boy stabs himself, everybody knows that. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- “Don’t go the Senate today!” she says. “Something bad’s going to happen!” She’d never let me live this down, if I’d lived. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- Told the guy I like that the girl he likes ran away with the guy she likes. Not really sure what I thought was going to happen next. #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems
- The contract clearly stated that I keep 100 knights, and my daughter tells me I can only have 50? FML, what else can go wrong today? #FirstWorldShakespeareProblems