It’s not that I snoop for my Christmas presents, my family just doesn’t appreciate how generally overly aware I am of my surroundings. If you say something, or you leave something laying around, chances are I’m going to notice it and connect some dots.

I like taking my kids through Newbury Comics. It’s a weird kind of, “Well yeah if I literally had money to burn, there’s a bunch of stuff I’d buy here” shop. I believe the word “kitschy” could apply to much of it.  The kind of stuff you decorate your desk with at work.

One of the popular things you see there now, and really in lots of stores, is those “Pop” figurines? They’re kind of like bobble heads, although I don’t think they bobble. And they’ve clearly been licensed to everyone under the sun. Why oh why doesn’t their marketing department understand public domain? Because every time I see them I look for a Shakespeare, and there simply isn’t one.

So when my girls mentioned needing to go to Newbury Comics to shop for something, I didn’t really connect the dots.  We found ourselves at a different mall that had a different, independent comic shop and one of my girls said, “We have to go in there!” but when I tried to follow she said, “Not you, Daddy! Mommy, come with us.”  Again, I have no idea at this point. I know that there is no Shakespeare stuff in that store, though I’ve told them in the past generic things like, “Oh I like all this kind of stuff” so I’m sure they’re running with that theme.

They leave the store with bags and command me not to look. My middle daughter then begins quizzing me on which Star Wars movie is my favorite, and how I feel about the Clone Wars.  When I tell her exactly how I feel about the prequels and she turns to my wife and says, “Mommy, oh no!” I figure out that I must be getting some sort of Star Wars prequel merchandise from her, and don’t think about it again.

Except for the fact that my wife hides my presents in the same general place that we hide the kids’ presents.  So that evening I stumble across…. a blank Pop figure. I didn’t even know they made such a thing. I have no idea for sure if this is supposed to be for me or not, but I’ve got a hunch. Are they going to try to make me a Shakespeare pop figure from scratch?

Yes, that is exactly what they’re doing. Being kids, not very sneaky kids at that, they left him half finished on the desk downstairs in my office (/ their playroom) which confirmed my suspicions. Right now he looks like something out of the Walking Dead, but whoever is making it really did nail the ruff/collar around his neck so it’s obvious who he is, if you’re looking for it.

 I can’t wait to see how the finished product turns out! I’ll be sure to post pictures.

My oldest has been distraught lately over her first C on a significant exam, and we’ve been discussing daily whether getting all A’s is the most important thing in the world.  She seems to think I enjoy watching her get bad grades because it shows that she’s finally working hard enough, but she feels that if those bad grades cause her to not get into college then what’s the point.

“If I FAIL….” she starts.

“We fail?” I interjected, predictably.  “Screw your courage to the sticking place and we’ll…not….fail!”

Blank stare. Open mouthed, speechless daughter.

“Lady Macbeth,” I explain.

“That’s not what I thought you were going to say,” she countered.

“Also Beauty and the Beast,” I said. “Gaston.”

“That’s what I thought you were going to say.”

Today over breakfast my 8yr son asked me, “What would rather watch, Hamlet or Midsummer Night’s Dream?”

Good question.

In theory I’d like to say Hamlet, I think Hamlet is the better play with more depth to explore. But honestly Hamlet can also be incredibly boring if it’s done poorly. Many times I find myself playing closer attention entirely in an attempt to find something about the secondary cast to interest me.

Midsummer, on the other hand, has that light and entertaining layer on top of its depth, so even a mediocre production is still likely going to be good for some laughs.

So my answer was, “Depends on who is playing Hamlet. If it’s just another Hamlet with nobody special, well, I’ve seen that a bunch. But if it’s a big actor of today, like say Daniel Day Lewis, then I’m totally picking the Hamlet. Otherwise I’ll go Midsummer.”

What do you think?

I haven’t done one of these in awhile. Bear with me as I tell the whole thing, it’s worth it.

My oldest, in middle school, gets up first to catch the bus. So she’s having breakfast and my wife says, “Who wants to take the garbage out?”

I suggest that perhaps Sarah might like to do it.

My daughter’s name is not Sarah. Neither of them get my joke. Sigh.

I fire up YouTube and begin playing Shel Silverstein’s classic Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout, would not take the garbage out. The only hint of recognition I get is when my daughter complains to my wife, “I’m trying to get out the door for the bus and daddy’s at the computer spicing hams.”

So off she goes, and soon the younger two come down for their breakfast. Because of the timing they have a much lower key breakfast, longer time to hang out and do silly things. So soon my Shel Silverstein playlist turns into Alan Sherman, which turns into Dr. Demento, and soon we’re listening to “Please Mr. Custer“.

I’m loving this, because the first record album (that’s right, I said record album) I ever ordered on my own, with my own money, from a tv commercial no less, was “Goofy Gold” that had all this great novelty stuff on it.

Anyway, my kids have no idea who General Custer is, so I explain.  In short, “He took his men out to fight the Indians but when he got there, there was like a thousand times more Indians than he thought there was, and they all got killed. This song is a joke about the night before the battle and how his soldiers don’t want to go.”

My son, who is eight, asks if we can see the Shakespeare one about the Americans.  I’ve got no idea what he’s talking about, but he’s asking about Shakespeare and I’m not about to let that opportunity go to waste.  He tells me, “The one where the guys have to go into battle but the other guys have more guys than they do and they think they’re gonna lose but they win.”

Oh!  He’s talking about Henry V St. Crispin’s Day Speech. Happy to oblige!  Where he got Americans I have no idea, I’m assuming he uses “English” and “American” interchangeably. He’s also actually remembered enough about this scene that a description of Custer’s Last Stand has him making the connection. I like it.

After the video he asks for the details of how much they were outnumbered and we google it.  He asks me if it would be possible for one army to just have one guy, and still win.

I paused, not believing my luck, and told him, “Actually that’s a different play. That’s called Coriolanus.”

So we start watching Tom Hiddleston’s Coriolanus. Actually I just fast forward to the scene before Corioli and explain, “He’s trying to get them riled up to storm into the city, but they’re all afraid to follow him, so he says forget you guys and goes all by himself. By the way, does he look familiar?”  I’m figuring that he might recognize Loki from the Avengers movie.

“Is that Adam Levine?”  From Maroon 5?  No, but great guess! 🙂

Tom is gone so I continue my summary, “Now all the soldiers think that they’re safe, they think that their leader is pretty much dead at this point, they can’t believe he was so stupid that he just walked into the enemy’s city all by himself.  Some of the general’s friends come in who think that maybe they should go after him and try to save him before he gets killed. Now watch.”

Enter Tom, looking like Walking Dead.  I’ve not seen this before, I had no idea he was covered in so much blood.  “See? He comes back and tells them ok you bunch of sissies, now I softened them up for you, *now* do you want to follow me?”

Eventually we have to walk to school, where I continue trying to explain Coriolanus to them. How awesome is it going to be months from now when some other random thing occurs and my eight-year-old references a Shakespearean tragedy that most adults don’t even know exists?