The Merry Wives of Windsor

by

William Shakespeare

The Merry Wives of Windsor is a comedic play that revolves around the character Sir John Falstaff, a wealthy and overweight knight who attempts to seduce two married women in order to gain access to their husbands' wealth. However, the two women, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, are wise to his intentions and decide to teach him a lesson.

As the play progresses, Falstaff's attempts at seduction become more and more ridiculous, leading to a series of humorous misunderstandings and mistaken identities. Meanwhile, other characters in the play, including the jealous husband Master Ford and the French physician Doctor Caius, become involved in the plot, adding to the chaos.

In the end, Falstaff is thoroughly embarrassed and humiliated, but he takes it all in good stride and even manages to win back some of the respect of the other characters. The play ends on a happy note, with all of the characters coming together to celebrate and enjoy the pleasures of life.

Act I

Act 1 of The Merry Wives of Windsor begins with a conversation between Justice Shallow and his nephew Slender. Shallow is concerned about his estate and hopes to have his nephew marry Anne Page, a wealthy young woman. However, Slender is not interested in Anne and is more interested in pursuing a relationship with a woman named Mistress Anne Page.

The action then shifts to the home of Sir John Falstaff, a wealthy and boisterous knight. Falstaff is in financial trouble and decides to seduce two wealthy married women, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, in order to access their wealth. He sends them both identical love letters, but the women compare notes and decide to teach Falstaff a lesson. They devise a plan to humiliate him and carry out their scheme in Act 1.

Meanwhile, Anne Page is also being pursued by two suitors: Slender and a young man named Fenton. Anne's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Page, favor Slender as a potential husband, but Anne is more interested in Fenton. Fenton and Anne plan to elope, but their plans are complicated by the interference of Anne's parents and the other characters.

The act ends with Falstaff being humiliated by Mistress Ford and Mistress Page's plot. The women trick him into hiding in a laundry basket, which is then thrown into a river. Falstaff is soaked and embarrassed, but he is determined to continue his pursuit of the women's wealth.

SCENE I. Windsor. Before PAGE's house.

Scene 1 of Act 1 is set in a street in Windsor. Justice Shallow and his nephew, Slender, meet Sir John Falstaff, a fat and wealthy knight who has come to Windsor to seek financial gain. Falstaff asks Shallow about a young woman named Anne Page, whom he intends to court for her money. Shallow advises Falstaff that he will face competition for Anne's affections from two other men, Dr. Caius and Master Fenton. Falstaff devises a plan to seduce Anne by sending her love letters, but he decides to also pursue the married women of Windsor, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, in case Anne proves difficult to win over. Falstaff reveals his plan to his companions, Bardolph, Pistol, and Nym, who are skeptical of its success.

Mistress Ford and Mistress Page each receive identical love letters from Falstaff, and they quickly realize that he is attempting to woo them both. They decide to teach him a lesson and devise a plan to humiliate him. They agree to invite Falstaff separately to their homes and then expose his infidelity to each other.

This scene sets up the main conflict of the play, which is Falstaff's attempts to seduce the married women of Windsor. It also introduces the other suitors for Anne Page's hand and sets the stage for the comedic misunderstandings and mistaken identities that will occur throughout the play.

Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS

SHALLOW
Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
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chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
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Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
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SLENDER
In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and
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'Coram.'
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SHALLOW
Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.
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SLENDER
Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,
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master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any
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bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.'
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SHALLOW
Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
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hundred years.
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SLENDER
All his successors gone before him hath done't; and
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all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
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give the dozen white luces in their coat.
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SHALLOW
It is an old coat.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
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it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
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man, and signifies love.
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SHALLOW
The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.
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SLENDER
I may quarter, coz.
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SHALLOW
You may, by marrying.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
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SHALLOW
Not a whit.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
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there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
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simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
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John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
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you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
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benevolence to make atonements and compremises
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between you.
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SHALLOW
The council shall bear it; it is a riot.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
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fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
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desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
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riot; take your vizaments in that.
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SHALLOW
Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword
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should end it.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
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and there is also another device in my prain, which
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peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
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is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
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Page, which is pretty virginity.
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SLENDER
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
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small like a woman.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
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you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
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and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
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death's-bed--Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
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--give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years
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old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
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and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
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Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
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SLENDER
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
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SLENDER
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.
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SHALLOW
Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
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despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
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is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
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beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
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peat the door for Master Page.
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What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
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PAGE
(Within) Who's there?
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Enter PAGE

SIR HUGH EVANS
Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice
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Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
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peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
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matters grow to your likings.
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PAGE
I am glad to see your worships well.
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I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
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SHALLOW
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
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your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
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was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?--and I
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thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
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PAGE
Sir, I thank you.
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SHALLOW
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
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PAGE
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
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SLENDER
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he
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was outrun on Cotsall.
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PAGE
It could not be judged, sir.
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SLENDER
You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
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SHALLOW
That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault;
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'tis a good dog.
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PAGE
A cur, sir.
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SHALLOW
Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
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more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
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Falstaff here?
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PAGE
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
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office between you.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
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SHALLOW
He hath wronged me, Master Page.
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PAGE
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
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SHALLOW
If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that
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so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
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hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
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Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.
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PAGE
Here comes Sir John.
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Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL

FALSTAFF
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?
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SHALLOW
Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and
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broke open my lodge.
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FALSTAFF
But not kissed your keeper's daughter?
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SHALLOW
Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.
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FALSTAFF
I will answer it straight; I have done all this.
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That is now answered.
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SHALLOW
The council shall know this.
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FALSTAFF
'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel:
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you'll be laughed at.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.
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FALSTAFF
Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your
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head: what matter have you against me?
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SLENDER
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you;
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and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
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Nym, and Pistol.
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BARDOLPH
You Banbury cheese!
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SLENDER
Ay, it is no matter.
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PISTOL
How now, Mephostophilus!
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SLENDER
Ay, it is no matter.
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NYM
Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that's my humour.
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SLENDER
Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
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three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that
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is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is
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myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,
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lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
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PAGE
We three, to hear it and end it between them.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-
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book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with
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as great discreetly as we can.
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FALSTAFF

PISTOL
He hears with ears.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He
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hears with ear'? why, it is affectations.
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FALSTAFF
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?
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SLENDER
Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might
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never come in mine own great chamber again else, of
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seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
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shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two
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pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
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FALSTAFF
Is this true, Pistol?
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SIR HUGH EVANS
No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
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PISTOL
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,
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I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
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Word of denial in thy labras here!
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Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!
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SLENDER
By these gloves, then, 'twas he.
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NYM
Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say
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'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's
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humour on me; that is the very note of it.
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SLENDER
By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for
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though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
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drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
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FALSTAFF
What say you, Scarlet and John?
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BARDOLPH
Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk
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himself out of his five sentences.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!
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BARDOLPH
And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and
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so conclusions passed the careires.
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SLENDER
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no
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matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,
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but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
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if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have
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the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
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FALSTAFF
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
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Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE, following

PAGE
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.
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Exit ANNE PAGE

SLENDER
O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.
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PAGE
How now, Mistress Ford!
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FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:
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by your leave, good mistress.
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Kisses her

PAGE
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a
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hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope
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we shall drink down all unkindness.
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Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS

SLENDER
I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of
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Songs and Sonnets here.
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How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait
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on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
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about you, have you?
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SIMPLE
Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice
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Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
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afore Michaelmas?
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SHALLOW
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with
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you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a
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tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
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here. Do you understand me?
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SLENDER
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,
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I shall do that that is reason.
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SHALLOW
Nay, but understand me.
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SLENDER
So I do, sir.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will
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description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
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SLENDER
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray
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you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his
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country, simple though I stand here.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
But that is not the question: the question is
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concerning your marriage.
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SHALLOW
Ay, there's the point, sir.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.
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SLENDER
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
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reasonable demands.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to
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know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
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philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the
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mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
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good will to the maid?
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SHALLOW
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
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SLENDER
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that
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would do reason.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak
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possitable, if you can carry her your desires
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towards her.
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SHALLOW
That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
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SLENDER
I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
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request, cousin, in any reason.
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SHALLOW
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do
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is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?
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SLENDER
I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there
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be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
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decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are
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married and have more occasion to know one another;
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I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:
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but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that
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I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in
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the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our
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meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good.
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SHALLOW
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
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SLENDER
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
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SHALLOW
Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
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Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!
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ANNE PAGE
The dinner is on the table; my father desires your
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worships' company.
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SHALLOW
I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
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SIR HUGH EVANS
Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.
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Exeunt SHALLOW and SIR HUGH EVANS

ANNE PAGE
Will't please your worship to come in, sir?
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SLENDER
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.
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ANNE PAGE
The dinner attends you, sir.
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SLENDER
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
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sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my
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cousin Shallow.
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A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his
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friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
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yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I
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live like a poor gentleman born.
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ANNE PAGE
I may not go in without your worship: they will not
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sit till you come.
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SLENDER
I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as
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though I did.
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ANNE PAGE
I pray you, sir, walk in.
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SLENDER
I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
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my shin th' other day with playing at sword and
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dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a
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dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot
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abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
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dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?
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ANNE PAGE
I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.
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SLENDER
I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at
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it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see
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the bear loose, are you not?
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ANNE PAGE
Ay, indeed, sir.
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SLENDER
That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
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Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by
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the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so
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cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,
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indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored
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rough things.
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Re-enter PAGE

PAGE
Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.
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SLENDER
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
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PAGE
By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.
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SLENDER
Nay, pray you, lead the way.
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PAGE
Come on, sir.
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SLENDER
Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
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ANNE PAGE
Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.
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SLENDER
I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
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You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!
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Exeunt

SCENE II. The same.

Scene 2 of Act 1 involves a conversation between two characters, Justice Shallow and his young cousin, Slender. They are discussing Slender's desire to marry a woman named Anne Page, who is the daughter of Mistress Page. Justice Shallow suggests that Slender should first ask for permission from Anne's mother, but Slender is hesitant because he does not want to offend her father, who is a wealthy man.

The conversation then turns to a man named Sir John Falstaff, who is a friend of Justice Shallow. Falstaff has recently arrived in town and has been spending time with Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, two married women who are good friends. Justice Shallow warns Slender that Falstaff is a notorious womanizer and advises him to stay away from him.

However, Slender is more interested in Anne Page than in Falstaff's misdeeds. He asks Justice Shallow for his help in wooing Anne, but Justice Shallow is preoccupied with his own problems. He has been having financial difficulties and is worried about losing his estate. The scene ends with the two men parting ways, with Slender still unsure of how to win Anne's heart.

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE

SIR HUGH EVANS
Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which
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is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly,
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which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry
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nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and
Link: 1.2.4
his wringer.
Link: 1.2.5

SIMPLE
Well, sir.
Link: 1.2.6

SIR HUGH EVANS
Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it
Link: 1.2.7
is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with
Link: 1.2.8
Mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire
Link: 1.2.9
and require her to solicit your master's desires to
Link: 1.2.10
Mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone: I will
Link: 1.2.11
make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.
Link: 1.2.12

Exeunt

SCENE III. A room in the Garter Inn.

Scene 3 of Act 1 takes place in the house of Mistress Page. Mistress Page and Mistress Ford are discussing a love letter that they both received from Sir John Falstaff, a wealthy and obese knight. They realize that he has sent the same letter to both of them, and they are amused by his audacity. They decide to play a trick on him.

They summon Falstaff to Mistress Ford's house and pretend to be flattered by his advances. They invite him to come back later that evening when her husband will be away. Falstaff eagerly agrees.

Mistress Page then arrives with her husband and they discuss the letter they received from Falstaff. They realize that he has also sent the same letter to other women in the town. They decide to expose him and teach him a lesson.

Meanwhile, Falstaff arrives at Mistress Ford's house and is greeted by Mistress Ford's servant, who tells him that her husband has returned unexpectedly. Falstaff is forced to hide in a laundry basket and is carried out of the house by the servants.

When the Pages and Fords meet, they realize that they have all been tricked by Falstaff and they laugh at his expense. They vow to continue to play tricks on him and make him pay for his foolishness.

Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL, and ROBIN

FALSTAFF
Mine host of the Garter!
Link: 1.3.1

Host
What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely.
Link: 1.3.2

FALSTAFF
Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my
Link: 1.3.3
followers.
Link: 1.3.4

Host
Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.
Link: 1.3.5

FALSTAFF
I sit at ten pounds a week.
Link: 1.3.6

Host
Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I
Link: 1.3.7
will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall
Link: 1.3.8
tap: said I well, bully Hector?
Link: 1.3.9

FALSTAFF
Do so, good mine host.
Link: 1.3.10

Host
I have spoke; let him follow.
Link: 1.3.11
Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow.
Link: 1.3.12

Exit

FALSTAFF
Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade:
Link: 1.3.13
an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered
Link: 1.3.14
serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.
Link: 1.3.15

BARDOLPH
It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive.
Link: 1.3.16

PISTOL
O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?
Link: 1.3.17

Exit BARDOLPH

NYM
He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited?
Link: 1.3.18

FALSTAFF
I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his
Link: 1.3.19
thefts were too open; his filching was like an
Link: 1.3.20
unskilful singer; he kept not time.
Link: 1.3.21

NYM
The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest.
Link: 1.3.22

PISTOL
'Convey,' the wise it call. 'Steal!' foh! a fico
Link: 1.3.23
for the phrase!
Link: 1.3.24

FALSTAFF
Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
Link: 1.3.25

PISTOL
Why, then, let kibes ensue.
Link: 1.3.26

FALSTAFF
There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.
Link: 1.3.27

PISTOL
Young ravens must have food.
Link: 1.3.28

FALSTAFF
Which of you know Ford of this town?
Link: 1.3.29

PISTOL
I ken the wight: he is of substance good.
Link: 1.3.30

FALSTAFF
My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
Link: 1.3.31

PISTOL
Two yards, and more.
Link: 1.3.32

FALSTAFF
No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two
Link: 1.3.33
yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about
Link: 1.3.34
thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's
Link: 1.3.35
wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses,
Link: 1.3.36
she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I
Link: 1.3.37
can construe the action of her familiar style; and
Link: 1.3.38
the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished
Link: 1.3.39
rightly, is, 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'
Link: 1.3.40

PISTOL
He hath studied her will, and translated her will,
Link: 1.3.41
out of honesty into English.
Link: 1.3.42

NYM
The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?
Link: 1.3.43

FALSTAFF
Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her
Link: 1.3.44
husband's purse: he hath a legion of angels.
Link: 1.3.45

PISTOL
As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I.
Link: 1.3.46

NYM
The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.
Link: 1.3.47

FALSTAFF
I have writ me here a letter to her: and here
Link: 1.3.48
another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good
Link: 1.3.49
eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious
Link: 1.3.50
oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my
Link: 1.3.51
foot, sometimes my portly belly.
Link: 1.3.52

PISTOL
Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
Link: 1.3.53

NYM
I thank thee for that humour.
Link: 1.3.54

FALSTAFF
O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a
Link: 1.3.55
greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did
Link: 1.3.56
seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's
Link: 1.3.57
another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she
Link: 1.3.58
is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will
Link: 1.3.59
be cheater to them both, and they shall be
Link: 1.3.60
exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West
Link: 1.3.61
Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou
Link: 1.3.62
this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to
Link: 1.3.63
Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.
Link: 1.3.64

PISTOL
Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
Link: 1.3.65
And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!
Link: 1.3.66

NYM
I will run no base humour: here, take the
Link: 1.3.67
humour-letter: I will keep the havior of reputation.
Link: 1.3.68

FALSTAFF
(To ROBIN) Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;
Link: 1.3.69
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.
Link: 1.3.70
Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;
Link: 1.3.71
Trudge, plod away o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack!
Link: 1.3.72
Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,
Link: 1.3.73
French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.
Link: 1.3.74

Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN

PISTOL
Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,
Link: 1.3.75
And high and low beguiles the rich and poor:
Link: 1.3.76
Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,
Link: 1.3.77
Base Phrygian Turk!
Link: 1.3.78

NYM
I have operations which be humours of revenge.
Link: 1.3.79

PISTOL
Wilt thou revenge?
Link: 1.3.80

NYM
By welkin and her star!
Link: 1.3.81

PISTOL
With wit or steel?
Link: 1.3.82

NYM
With both the humours, I:
Link: 1.3.83
I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.
Link: 1.3.84

PISTOL
And I to Ford shall eke unfold
Link: 1.3.85
How Falstaff, varlet vile,
Link: 1.3.86
His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
Link: 1.3.87
And his soft couch defile.
Link: 1.3.88

NYM
My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to
Link: 1.3.89
deal with poison; I will possess him with
Link: 1.3.90
yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous:
Link: 1.3.91
that is my true humour.
Link: 1.3.92

PISTOL
Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on.
Link: 1.3.93

Exeunt

SCENE IV. A room in DOCTOR CAIUS' house.

Scene 4 of Act 1 takes place in a room in the Garter Inn, where Sir John Falstaff is staying. He is alone, and he begins to brag about his plan to seduce two married women, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, who are wealthy and live nearby. He believes that they will be easy targets, as they are both unhappy in their marriages.

As he is talking, his servants, Bardolph and Nym, enter the room. They are hesitant to help Falstaff with his plan, but he convinces them to assist him by delivering letters to the women that profess Falstaff's love for them.

Shortly after, Mistress Quickly, a servant of the women, enters the room. Falstaff asks her to deliver a letter to Mistress Ford, but she is suspicious of his motives. She tells him that Mistress Ford is a virtuous woman and will not be interested in his advances.

Undeterred, Falstaff gives Mistress Quickly the letter and sends her on her way. He then continues to boast about his plan, believing that he will be successful in seducing both women.

The scene ends with Falstaff declaring his love for Mistress Ford, and Bardolph and Nym expressing their doubts about the success of his plan.

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY

MISTRESS QUICKLY
What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,
Link: 1.4.1
and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor
Link: 1.4.2
Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any
Link: 1.4.3
body in the house, here will be an old abusing of
Link: 1.4.4
God's patience and the king's English.
Link: 1.4.5

RUGBY
I'll go watch.
Link: 1.4.6

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in
Link: 1.4.7
faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
Link: 1.4.8
An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant
Link: 1.4.9
shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no
Link: 1.4.10
tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,
Link: 1.4.11
that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish
Link: 1.4.12
that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let
Link: 1.4.13
that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
Link: 1.4.14

SIMPLE
Ay, for fault of a better.
Link: 1.4.15

MISTRESS QUICKLY
And Master Slender's your master?
Link: 1.4.16

SIMPLE
Ay, forsooth.
Link: 1.4.17

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Does he not wear a great round beard, like a
Link: 1.4.18
glover's paring-knife?
Link: 1.4.19

SIMPLE
No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a
Link: 1.4.20
little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.
Link: 1.4.21

MISTRESS QUICKLY
A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
Link: 1.4.22

SIMPLE
Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands
Link: 1.4.23
as any is between this and his head; he hath fought
Link: 1.4.24
with a warrener.
Link: 1.4.25

MISTRESS QUICKLY
How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not
Link: 1.4.26
hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
Link: 1.4.27

SIMPLE
Yes, indeed, does he.
Link: 1.4.28

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell
Link: 1.4.29
Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your
Link: 1.4.30
master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish--
Link: 1.4.31

Re-enter RUGBY

RUGBY
Out, alas! here comes my master.
Link: 1.4.32

MISTRESS QUICKLY
We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;
Link: 1.4.33
go into this closet: he will not stay long.
Link: 1.4.34
What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
Link: 1.4.35
Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt
Link: 1.4.36
he be not well, that he comes not home.
Link: 1.4.37
And down, down, adown-a, c.
Link: 1.4.38

Enter DOCTOR CAIUS

DOCTOR CAIUS
Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,
Link: 1.4.39
go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,
Link: 1.4.40
a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.
Link: 1.4.41

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.
Link: 1.4.42
I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found
Link: 1.4.43
the young man, he would have been horn-mad.
Link: 1.4.44

DOCTOR CAIUS
Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je
Link: 1.4.45
m'en vais a la cour--la grande affaire.
Link: 1.4.46

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Is it this, sir?
Link: 1.4.47

DOCTOR CAIUS
Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere
Link: 1.4.48
is dat knave Rugby?
Link: 1.4.49

MISTRESS QUICKLY
What, John Rugby! John!
Link: 1.4.50

RUGBY
Here, sir!
Link: 1.4.51

DOCTOR CAIUS
You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,
Link: 1.4.52
take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.
Link: 1.4.53

RUGBY
'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
Link: 1.4.54

DOCTOR CAIUS
By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me!
Link: 1.4.55
Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,
Link: 1.4.56
dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
Link: 1.4.57

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!
Link: 1.4.58

DOCTOR CAIUS
O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!
Link: 1.4.59
Rugby, my rapier!
Link: 1.4.60

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Good master, be content.
Link: 1.4.61

DOCTOR CAIUS
Wherefore shall I be content-a?
Link: 1.4.62

MISTRESS QUICKLY
The young man is an honest man.
Link: 1.4.63

DOCTOR CAIUS
What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is
Link: 1.4.64
no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
Link: 1.4.65

MISTRESS QUICKLY
I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth
Link: 1.4.66
of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
Link: 1.4.67

DOCTOR CAIUS

SIMPLE
Ay, forsooth; to desire her to--
Link: 1.4.69

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Peace, I pray you.
Link: 1.4.70

DOCTOR CAIUS
Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.
Link: 1.4.71

SIMPLE
To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to
Link: 1.4.72
speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my
Link: 1.4.73
master in the way of marriage.
Link: 1.4.74

MISTRESS QUICKLY
This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my
Link: 1.4.75
finger in the fire, and need not.
Link: 1.4.76

DOCTOR CAIUS
Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.
Link: 1.4.77
Tarry you a little-a while.
Link: 1.4.78

Writes

MISTRESS QUICKLY
(Aside to SIMPLE) I am glad he is so quiet: if he
Link: 1.4.79
had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him
Link: 1.4.80
so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,
Link: 1.4.81
man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and
Link: 1.4.82
the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my
Link: 1.4.83
master,--I may call him my master, look you, for I
Link: 1.4.84
keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,
Link: 1.4.85
scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do
Link: 1.4.86
all myself,--
Link: 1.4.87

SIMPLE
(Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY) 'Tis a great charge to
Link: 1.4.88
come under one body's hand.
Link: 1.4.89

MISTRESS QUICKLY
(Aside to SIMPLE) Are you avised o' that? you
Link: 1.4.90
shall find it a great charge: and to be up early
Link: 1.4.91
and down late; but notwithstanding,--to tell you in
Link: 1.4.92
your ear; I would have no words of it,--my master
Link: 1.4.93
himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but
Link: 1.4.94
notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,--that's
Link: 1.4.95
neither here nor there.
Link: 1.4.96

DOCTOR CAIUS
You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by
Link: 1.4.97
gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee
Link: 1.4.98
park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest
Link: 1.4.99
to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good
Link: 1.4.100
you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two
Link: 1.4.101
stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw
Link: 1.4.102
at his dog:
Link: 1.4.103

Exit SIMPLE

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
Link: 1.4.104

DOCTOR CAIUS
It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me
Link: 1.4.105
dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I
Link: 1.4.106
vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine
Link: 1.4.107
host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I
Link: 1.4.108
will myself have Anne Page.
Link: 1.4.109

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We
Link: 1.4.110
must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!
Link: 1.4.111

DOCTOR CAIUS
Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have
Link: 1.4.112
not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my
Link: 1.4.113
door. Follow my heels, Rugby.
Link: 1.4.114

Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY

MISTRESS QUICKLY
You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I
Link: 1.4.115
know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor
Link: 1.4.116
knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more
Link: 1.4.117
than I do with her, I thank heaven.
Link: 1.4.118

FENTON
(Within) Who's within there? ho!
Link: 1.4.119

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.
Link: 1.4.120

Enter FENTON

FENTON
How now, good woman? how dost thou?
Link: 1.4.121

MISTRESS QUICKLY
The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.
Link: 1.4.122

FENTON
What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?
Link: 1.4.123

MISTRESS QUICKLY
In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and
Link: 1.4.124
gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you
Link: 1.4.125
that by the way; I praise heaven for it.
Link: 1.4.126

FENTON
Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?
Link: 1.4.127

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but
Link: 1.4.128
notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a
Link: 1.4.129
book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart
Link: 1.4.130
above your eye?
Link: 1.4.131

FENTON
Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
Link: 1.4.132

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such
Link: 1.4.133
another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
Link: 1.4.134
broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I
Link: 1.4.135
shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But
Link: 1.4.136
indeed she is given too much to allicholy and
Link: 1.4.137
musing: but for you--well, go to.
Link: 1.4.138

FENTON
Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money
Link: 1.4.139
for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if
Link: 1.4.140
thou seest her before me, commend me.
Link: 1.4.141

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your
Link: 1.4.142
worship more of the wart the next time we have
Link: 1.4.143
confidence; and of other wooers.
Link: 1.4.144

FENTON
Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.
Link: 1.4.145

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Farewell to your worship.
Link: 1.4.146
Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;
Link: 1.4.147
for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out
Link: 1.4.148
upon't! what have I forgot?
Link: 1.4.149

Exit

Act II

Act 2 of The Merry Wives of Windsor is a comedic and entertaining continuation of the play's plot. The main character, Sir John Falstaff, a wealthy and overweight knight, has set his sights on wooing two married women, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page. Falstaff sends a letter to each of the women professing his love and desire for them. However, the two women are friends and they compare notes, realizing that Falstaff has sent the same letter to both of them.

The women decide to play a prank on Falstaff and invite him to Mistress Ford's house while her husband is out of town. They plan to humiliate him by making him think he is in danger of being caught by Ford, who has supposedly returned home unexpectedly. Falstaff arrives and is greeted warmly by Mistress Ford, who leads him on with false promises of love. However, their plans are interrupted by the arrival of Mistress Page, who warns them that Ford is on his way home.

Falstaff is forced to hide in a laundry basket, which is then carried out of the house by two of Mistress Ford's servants. The basket is dumped in the river, and Falstaff is left soaking wet and embarrassed. Meanwhile, Ford arrives at the house and is suspicious of his wife's behavior. He searches the house but finds nothing, and is left feeling foolish. The act ends with both Falstaff and Ford humiliated, and the two women amused by their successful prank.

SCENE I. Before PAGE'S house.

Scene 1 of Act 2 of The Merry Wives of Windsor begins with Justice Shallow and his nephew Slender discussing Slender's attempts to woo Anne Page, the daughter of Mistress Page and Mistress Ford. Shallow encourages Slender to continue his pursuit, but warns him about the competition from other suitors, including Doctor Caius and Master Fenton.

Meanwhile, Sir John Falstaff has sent Mistress Ford a love letter, declaring his passion for her and asking her to meet him privately. Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, who have received identical letters, compare them and come up with a scheme to teach Falstaff a lesson. They decide to lead him on, pretending to be interested in him and then humiliating him in front of their husbands and the rest of the town.

As part of their plan, Mistress Page invites Falstaff to come to her house, while Mistress Ford's husband is out of town. She also arranges for a servant to warn her husband if he returns unexpectedly. Falstaff eagerly accepts the invitation and plans to go to Mistress Page's house disguised as an old woman, so as not to be recognized.

As the scene ends, Slender and Shallow exit, and the two mistresses continue to plot their revenge against Falstaff.

Enter MISTRESS PAGE, with a letter

MISTRESS PAGE
What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-
Link: 2.1.1
time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them?
Link: 2.1.2
Let me see.
Link: 2.1.3
'Ask me no reason why I love you; for though
Link: 2.1.4
Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him
Link: 2.1.5
not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more
Link: 2.1.6
am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry,
Link: 2.1.7
so am I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy: you
Link: 2.1.8
love sack, and so do I; would you desire better
Link: 2.1.9
sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page,--at
Link: 2.1.10
the least, if the love of soldier can suffice,--
Link: 2.1.11
that I love thee. I will not say, pity me; 'tis
Link: 2.1.12
not a soldier-like phrase: but I say, love me. By me,
Link: 2.1.13
Thine own true knight,
Link: 2.1.14
By day or night,
Link: 2.1.15
Or any kind of light,
Link: 2.1.16
With all his might
Link: 2.1.17
For thee to fight, JOHN FALSTAFF'
Link: 2.1.18
What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked
Link: 2.1.19
world! One that is well-nigh worn to pieces with
Link: 2.1.20
age to show himself a young gallant! What an
Link: 2.1.21
unweighed behavior hath this Flemish drunkard
Link: 2.1.22
picked--with the devil's name!--out of my
Link: 2.1.23
conversation, that he dares in this manner assay me?
Link: 2.1.24
Why, he hath not been thrice in my company! What
Link: 2.1.25
should I say to him? I was then frugal of my
Link: 2.1.26
mirth: Heaven forgive me! Why, I'll exhibit a bill
Link: 2.1.27
in the parliament for the putting down of men. How
Link: 2.1.28
shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be,
Link: 2.1.29
as sure as his guts are made of puddings.
Link: 2.1.30

Enter MISTRESS FORD

MISTRESS FORD
Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house.
Link: 2.1.31

MISTRESS PAGE
And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very
Link: 2.1.32

MISTRESS FORD
Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary.
Link: 2.1.34

MISTRESS PAGE
Faith, but you do, in my mind.
Link: 2.1.35

MISTRESS FORD
Well, I do then; yet I say I could show you to the
Link: 2.1.36
contrary. O Mistress Page, give me some counsel!
Link: 2.1.37

MISTRESS PAGE
What's the matter, woman?
Link: 2.1.38

MISTRESS FORD
O woman, if it were not for one trifling respect, I
Link: 2.1.39
could come to such honour!
Link: 2.1.40

MISTRESS PAGE
Hang the trifle, woman! take the honour. What is
Link: 2.1.41
it? dispense with trifles; what is it?
Link: 2.1.42

MISTRESS FORD
If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so,
Link: 2.1.43
I could be knighted.
Link: 2.1.44

MISTRESS PAGE
What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! These knights
Link: 2.1.45
will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the
Link: 2.1.46
article of thy gentry.
Link: 2.1.47

MISTRESS FORD
We burn daylight: here, read, read; perceive how I
Link: 2.1.48
might be knighted. I shall think the worse of fat
Link: 2.1.49
men, as long as I have an eye to make difference of
Link: 2.1.50
men's liking: and yet he would not swear; praised
Link: 2.1.51
women's modesty; and gave such orderly and
Link: 2.1.52
well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I
Link: 2.1.53
would have sworn his disposition would have gone to
Link: 2.1.54
the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere
Link: 2.1.55
and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to
Link: 2.1.56
the tune of 'Green Sleeves.' What tempest, I trow,
Link: 2.1.57
threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his
Link: 2.1.58
belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged
Link: 2.1.59
on him? I think the best way were to entertain him
Link: 2.1.60
with hope, till the wicked fire of lust have melted
Link: 2.1.61
him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like?
Link: 2.1.62

MISTRESS PAGE
Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and
Link: 2.1.63
Ford differs! To thy great comfort in this mystery
Link: 2.1.64
of ill opinions, here's the twin-brother of thy
Link: 2.1.65
letter: but let thine inherit first; for, I
Link: 2.1.66
protest, mine never shall. I warrant he hath a
Link: 2.1.67
thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for
Link: 2.1.68
different names--sure, more,--and these are of the
Link: 2.1.69
second edition: he will print them, out of doubt;
Link: 2.1.70
for he cares not what he puts into the press, when
Link: 2.1.71
he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess,
Link: 2.1.72
and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you
Link: 2.1.73
twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.
Link: 2.1.74

MISTRESS FORD
Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very
Link: 2.1.75
words. What doth he think of us?
Link: 2.1.76

MISTRESS PAGE
Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to
Link: 2.1.77
wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain
Link: 2.1.78
myself like one that I am not acquainted withal;
Link: 2.1.79
for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I
Link: 2.1.80
know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury.
Link: 2.1.81

MISTRESS FORD
'Boarding,' call you it? I'll be sure to keep him
Link: 2.1.82
above deck.
Link: 2.1.83

MISTRESS PAGE
So will I if he come under my hatches, I'll never
Link: 2.1.84
to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: let's
Link: 2.1.85
appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in
Link: 2.1.86
his suit and lead him on with a fine-baited delay,
Link: 2.1.87
till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter.
Link: 2.1.88

MISTRESS FORD
Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him,
Link: 2.1.89
that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O,
Link: 2.1.90
that my husband saw this letter! it would give
Link: 2.1.91
eternal food to his jealousy.
Link: 2.1.92

MISTRESS PAGE
Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he's
Link: 2.1.93
as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause;
Link: 2.1.94
and that I hope is an unmeasurable distance.
Link: 2.1.95

MISTRESS FORD
You are the happier woman.
Link: 2.1.96

MISTRESS PAGE
Let's consult together against this greasy knight.
Link: 2.1.97
Come hither.
Link: 2.1.98

They retire

Enter FORD with PISTOL, and PAGE with NYM

FORD
Well, I hope it be not so.
Link: 2.1.99

PISTOL
Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs:
Link: 2.1.100
Sir John affects thy wife.
Link: 2.1.101

FORD
Why, sir, my wife is not young.
Link: 2.1.102

PISTOL
He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor,
Link: 2.1.103
Both young and old, one with another, Ford;
Link: 2.1.104
He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend.
Link: 2.1.105

FORD
Love my wife!
Link: 2.1.106

PISTOL
With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou,
Link: 2.1.107
Like Sir Actaeon he, with Ringwood at thy heels:
Link: 2.1.108
O, odious is the name!
Link: 2.1.109

FORD
What name, sir?
Link: 2.1.110

PISTOL
The horn, I say. Farewell.
Link: 2.1.111
Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night:
Link: 2.1.112
Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds do sing.
Link: 2.1.113
Away, Sir Corporal Nym!
Link: 2.1.114
Believe it, Page; he speaks sense.
Link: 2.1.115

Exit

FORD
(Aside) I will be patient; I will find out this.
Link: 2.1.116

NYM
(To PAGE) And this is true; I like not the humour
Link: 2.1.117
of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I
Link: 2.1.118
should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I
Link: 2.1.119
have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity.
Link: 2.1.120
He loves your wife; there's the short and the long.
Link: 2.1.121
My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch; 'tis
Link: 2.1.122
true: my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife.
Link: 2.1.123
Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese,
Link: 2.1.124
and there's the humour of it. Adieu.
Link: 2.1.125

Exit

PAGE
'The humour of it,' quoth a'! here's a fellow
Link: 2.1.126
frights English out of his wits.
Link: 2.1.127

FORD
I will seek out Falstaff.
Link: 2.1.128

PAGE
I never heard such a drawling, affecting rogue.
Link: 2.1.129

FORD
If I do find it: well.
Link: 2.1.130

PAGE
I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest
Link: 2.1.131
o' the town commended him for a true man.
Link: 2.1.132

FORD
'Twas a good sensible fellow: well.
Link: 2.1.133

PAGE
How now, Meg!
Link: 2.1.134

MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD come forward

MISTRESS PAGE
Whither go you, George? Hark you.
Link: 2.1.135

MISTRESS FORD
How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy?
Link: 2.1.136

FORD
I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go.
Link: 2.1.137

MISTRESS FORD
Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now,
Link: 2.1.138
will you go, Mistress Page?
Link: 2.1.139

MISTRESS PAGE
Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George.
Link: 2.1.140
Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger
Link: 2.1.141
to this paltry knight.
Link: 2.1.142

MISTRESS FORD
(Aside to MISTRESS PAGE) Trust me, I thought on her:
Link: 2.1.143
she'll fit it.
Link: 2.1.144

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

MISTRESS PAGE
You are come to see my daughter Anne?
Link: 2.1.145

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne?
Link: 2.1.146

MISTRESS PAGE
Go in with us and see: we have an hour's talk with
Link: 2.1.147

Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and MISTRESS QUICKLY

PAGE
How now, Master Ford!
Link: 2.1.149

FORD
You heard what this knave told me, did you not?
Link: 2.1.150

PAGE
Yes: and you heard what the other told me?
Link: 2.1.151

FORD
Do you think there is truth in them?
Link: 2.1.152

PAGE
Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would
Link: 2.1.153
offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent
Link: 2.1.154
towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men;
Link: 2.1.155
very rogues, now they be out of service.
Link: 2.1.156

FORD
Were they his men?
Link: 2.1.157

PAGE
Marry, were they.
Link: 2.1.158

FORD
I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at
Link: 2.1.159
the Garter?
Link: 2.1.160

PAGE
Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage
Link: 2.1.161
towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and
Link: 2.1.162
what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it
Link: 2.1.163
lie on my head.
Link: 2.1.164

FORD
I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to
Link: 2.1.165
turn them together. A man may be too confident: I
Link: 2.1.166
would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied.
Link: 2.1.167

PAGE
Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes:
Link: 2.1.168
there is either liquor in his pate or money in his
Link: 2.1.169
purse when he looks so merrily.
Link: 2.1.170
How now, mine host!
Link: 2.1.171

Host
How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentleman.
Link: 2.1.172
Cavaleiro-justice, I say!
Link: 2.1.173

Enter SHALLOW

SHALLOW
I follow, mine host, I follow. Good even and
Link: 2.1.174
twenty, good Master Page! Master Page, will you go
Link: 2.1.175
with us? we have sport in hand.
Link: 2.1.176

Host
Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook.
Link: 2.1.177

SHALLOW
Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh
Link: 2.1.178
the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor.
Link: 2.1.179

FORD
Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you.
Link: 2.1.180

Drawing him aside

Host
What sayest thou, my bully-rook?
Link: 2.1.181

SHALLOW
(To PAGE) Will you go with us to behold it? My
Link: 2.1.182
merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons;
Link: 2.1.183
and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places;
Link: 2.1.184
for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester.
Link: 2.1.185
Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be.
Link: 2.1.186

They converse apart

Host
Hast thou no suit against my knight, my
Link: 2.1.187
guest-cavaleire?
Link: 2.1.188

FORD
None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of
Link: 2.1.189
burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him
Link: 2.1.190
my name is Brook; only for a jest.
Link: 2.1.191

Host
My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress;
Link: 2.1.192
--said I well?--and thy name shall be Brook. It is
Link: 2.1.193
a merry knight. Will you go, An-heires?
Link: 2.1.194

SHALLOW
Have with you, mine host.
Link: 2.1.195

PAGE
I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in
Link: 2.1.196
his rapier.
Link: 2.1.197

SHALLOW
Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times
Link: 2.1.198
you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and
Link: 2.1.199
I know not what: 'tis the heart, Master Page; 'tis
Link: 2.1.200
here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long
Link: 2.1.201
sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats.
Link: 2.1.202

Host
Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag?
Link: 2.1.203

PAGE
Have with you. I would rather hear them scold than fight.
Link: 2.1.204

Exeunt Host, SHALLOW, and PAGE

FORD
Though Page be a secure fool, an stands so firmly
Link: 2.1.205
on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my
Link: 2.1.206
opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page's
Link: 2.1.207
house; and what they made there, I know not. Well,
Link: 2.1.208
I will look further into't: and I have a disguise
Link: 2.1.209
to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not
Link: 2.1.210
my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed.
Link: 2.1.211

Exit

SCENE II. A room in the Garter Inn.

Scene 2 of Act 2 begins with Falstaff, a wealthy knight, trying to seduce two married women, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, at the same time. He sends a letter to each of them, professing his love and asking to meet in secret. However, the two women realize that they received identical letters and decide to play a trick on Falstaff.

Mistress Page invites Falstaff to her house while Mistress Ford's husband is away. Meanwhile, Mistress Ford tells her husband about Falstaff's advances and they come up with a plan to humiliate him. Mistress Ford disguises herself as a servant and goes to Falstaff's house. She tells him that her mistress is in love with him and invites him to meet her in the laundry basket, which will be placed outside the house for the laundry to collect.

Falstaff eagerly agrees and gets into the basket. However, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page have arranged for the servants to dump the basket into the river. Falstaff is soaked and humiliated, but he still believes that Mistress Ford is in love with him.

After the prank, the two women meet and laugh about their success. They plan to play another trick on Falstaff, this time involving disguises and a meeting in the forest.

Overall, Scene 2 of Act 2 is a humorous and lighthearted scene that highlights the cleverness and wit of the two women. It also sets up the plot for further pranks and deception, which will continue throughout the play.

Enter FALSTAFF and PISTOL

FALSTAFF
I will not lend thee a penny.
Link: 2.2.1

PISTOL
Why, then the world's mine oyster.
Link: 2.2.2
Which I with sword will open.
Link: 2.2.3

FALSTAFF
Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should
Link: 2.2.4
lay my countenance to pawn; I have grated upon my
Link: 2.2.5
good friends for three reprieves for you and your
Link: 2.2.6
coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through
Link: 2.2.7
the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in
Link: 2.2.8
hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were
Link: 2.2.9
good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress
Link: 2.2.10
Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon
Link: 2.2.11
mine honour thou hadst it not.
Link: 2.2.12

PISTOL
Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence?
Link: 2.2.13

FALSTAFF
Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou I'll
Link: 2.2.14
endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more
Link: 2.2.15
about me, I am no gibbet for you. Go. A short knife
Link: 2.2.16
and a throng! To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go.
Link: 2.2.17
You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! you
Link: 2.2.18
stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable
Link: 2.2.19
baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the
Link: 2.2.20
terms of my honour precise: I, I, I myself
Link: 2.2.21
sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand
Link: 2.2.22
and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to
Link: 2.2.23
shuffle, to hedge and to lurch; and yet you, rogue,
Link: 2.2.24
will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain
Link: 2.2.25
looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your
Link: 2.2.26
bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your
Link: 2.2.27
honour! You will not do it, you!
Link: 2.2.28

PISTOL
I do relent: what would thou more of man?
Link: 2.2.29

Enter ROBIN

ROBIN
Sir, here's a woman would speak with you.
Link: 2.2.30

FALSTAFF
Let her approach.
Link: 2.2.31

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Give your worship good morrow.
Link: 2.2.32

FALSTAFF
Good morrow, good wife.
Link: 2.2.33

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Not so, an't please your worship.
Link: 2.2.34

FALSTAFF
Good maid, then.
Link: 2.2.35

MISTRESS QUICKLY
I'll be sworn,
Link: 2.2.36
As my mother was, the first hour I was born.
Link: 2.2.37

FALSTAFF
I do believe the swearer. What with me?
Link: 2.2.38

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?
Link: 2.2.39

FALSTAFF
Two thousand, fair woman: and I'll vouchsafe thee
Link: 2.2.40
the hearing.
Link: 2.2.41

MISTRESS QUICKLY
There is one Mistress Ford, sir:--I pray, come a
Link: 2.2.42
little nearer this ways:--I myself dwell with master
Link: 2.2.43
Doctor Caius,--
Link: 2.2.44

FALSTAFF
Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,--
Link: 2.2.45

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Your worship says very true: I pray your worship,
Link: 2.2.46
come a little nearer this ways.
Link: 2.2.47

FALSTAFF
I warrant thee, nobody hears; mine own people, mine
Link: 2.2.48
own people.
Link: 2.2.49

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Are they so? God bless them and make them his servants!
Link: 2.2.50

FALSTAFF
Well, Mistress Ford; what of her?
Link: 2.2.51

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord Lord! your
Link: 2.2.52
worship's a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and all
Link: 2.2.53
of us, I pray!
Link: 2.2.54

FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford,--
Link: 2.2.55

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you
Link: 2.2.56
have brought her into such a canaries as 'tis
Link: 2.2.57
wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the
Link: 2.2.58
court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her
Link: 2.2.59
to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and
Link: 2.2.60
lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I warrant
Link: 2.2.61
you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift
Link: 2.2.62
after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so
Link: 2.2.63
rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in
Link: 2.2.64
such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of
Link: 2.2.65
the best and the fairest, that would have won any
Link: 2.2.66
woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could never
Link: 2.2.67
get an eye-wink of her: I had myself twenty angels
Link: 2.2.68
given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in
Link: 2.2.69
any such sort, as they say, but in the way of
Link: 2.2.70
honesty: and, I warrant you, they could never get
Link: 2.2.71
her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of
Link: 2.2.72
them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which
Link: 2.2.73
is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her.
Link: 2.2.74

FALSTAFF
But what says she to me? be brief, my good
Link: 2.2.75
she-Mercury.
Link: 2.2.76

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, she hath received your letter, for the which
Link: 2.2.77
she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you
Link: 2.2.78
to notify that her husband will be absence from his
Link: 2.2.79
house between ten and eleven.
Link: 2.2.80

FALSTAFF
Ten and eleven?
Link: 2.2.81

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the
Link: 2.2.82
picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford,
Link: 2.2.83
her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet
Link: 2.2.84
woman leads an ill life with him: he's a very
Link: 2.2.85
jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with
Link: 2.2.86
him, good heart.
Link: 2.2.87

FALSTAFF
Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will
Link: 2.2.88
not fail her.
Link: 2.2.89

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to
Link: 2.2.90
your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty
Link: 2.2.91
commendations to you too: and let me tell you in
Link: 2.2.92
your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and
Link: 2.2.93
one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor
Link: 2.2.94
evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the
Link: 2.2.95
other: and she bade me tell your worship that her
Link: 2.2.96
husband is seldom from home; but she hopes there
Link: 2.2.97
will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon
Link: 2.2.98
a man: surely I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth.
Link: 2.2.99

FALSTAFF
Not I, I assure thee: setting the attractions of my
Link: 2.2.100
good parts aside I have no other charms.
Link: 2.2.101

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Blessing on your heart for't!
Link: 2.2.102

FALSTAFF
But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife and
Link: 2.2.103
Page's wife acquainted each other how they love me?
Link: 2.2.104

MISTRESS QUICKLY
That were a jest indeed! they have not so little
Link: 2.2.105
grace, I hope: that were a trick indeed! but
Link: 2.2.106
Mistress Page would desire you to send her your
Link: 2.2.107
little page, of all loves: her husband has a
Link: 2.2.108
marvellous infection to the little page; and truly
Link: 2.2.109
Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in
Link: 2.2.110
Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what
Link: 2.2.111
she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go
Link: 2.2.112
to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as
Link: 2.2.113
she will: and truly she deserves it; for if there
Link: 2.2.114
be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must
Link: 2.2.115
send her your page; no remedy.
Link: 2.2.116

FALSTAFF
Why, I will.
Link: 2.2.117

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and
Link: 2.2.118
go between you both; and in any case have a
Link: 2.2.119
nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and
Link: 2.2.120
the boy never need to understand any thing; for
Link: 2.2.121
'tis not good that children should know any
Link: 2.2.122
wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion,
Link: 2.2.123
as they say, and know the world.
Link: 2.2.124

FALSTAFF
Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's
Link: 2.2.125
my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with
Link: 2.2.126
this woman.
Link: 2.2.127
This news distracts me!
Link: 2.2.128

PISTOL
This punk is one of Cupid's carriers:
Link: 2.2.129
Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights:
Link: 2.2.130
Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them all!
Link: 2.2.131

Exit

FALSTAFF
Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make
Link: 2.2.132
more of thy old body than I have done. Will they
Link: 2.2.133
yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense
Link: 2.2.134
of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I
Link: 2.2.135
thank thee. Let them say 'tis grossly done; so it be
Link: 2.2.136
fairly done, no matter.
Link: 2.2.137

Enter BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH
Sir John, there's one Master Brook below would fain
Link: 2.2.138
speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath
Link: 2.2.139
sent your worship a morning's draught of sack.
Link: 2.2.140

FALSTAFF
Brook is his name?
Link: 2.2.141

BARDOLPH
Ay, sir.
Link: 2.2.142

FALSTAFF
Call him in.
Link: 2.2.143
Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such
Link: 2.2.144
liquor. Ah, ha! Mistress Ford and Mistress Page
Link: 2.2.145
have I encompassed you? go to; via!
Link: 2.2.146

Re-enter BARDOLPH, with FORD disguised

FORD
Bless you, sir!
Link: 2.2.147

FALSTAFF
And you, sir! Would you speak with me?
Link: 2.2.148

FORD
I make bold to press with so little preparation upon
Link: 2.2.149

FALSTAFF
You're welcome. What's your will? Give us leave, drawer.
Link: 2.2.151

Exit BARDOLPH

FORD
Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook.
Link: 2.2.152

FALSTAFF
Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you.
Link: 2.2.153

FORD
Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you;
Link: 2.2.154
for I must let you understand I think myself in
Link: 2.2.155
better plight for a lender than you are: the which
Link: 2.2.156
hath something embolden'd me to this unseasoned
Link: 2.2.157
intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all
Link: 2.2.158
ways do lie open.
Link: 2.2.159

FALSTAFF
Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
Link: 2.2.160

FORD
Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me:
Link: 2.2.161
if you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, or
Link: 2.2.162
half, for easing me of the carriage.
Link: 2.2.163

FALSTAFF
Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter.
Link: 2.2.164

FORD
I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing.
Link: 2.2.165

FALSTAFF
Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be
Link: 2.2.166
your servant.
Link: 2.2.167

FORD
Sir, I hear you are a scholar,--I will be brief
Link: 2.2.168
with you,--and you have been a man long known to me,
Link: 2.2.169
though I had never so good means, as desire, to make
Link: 2.2.170
myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a
Link: 2.2.171
thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine
Link: 2.2.172
own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have
Link: 2.2.173
one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded,
Link: 2.2.174
turn another into the register of your own; that I
Link: 2.2.175
may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you
Link: 2.2.176
yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender.
Link: 2.2.177

FALSTAFF
Very well, sir; proceed.
Link: 2.2.178

FORD
There is a gentlewoman in this town; her husband's
Link: 2.2.179
name is Ford.
Link: 2.2.180

FALSTAFF
Well, sir.
Link: 2.2.181

FORD
I have long loved her, and, I protest to you,
Link: 2.2.182
bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting
Link: 2.2.183
observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her;
Link: 2.2.184
fee'd every slight occasion that could but niggardly
Link: 2.2.185
give me sight of her; not only bought many presents
Link: 2.2.186
to give her, but have given largely to many to know
Link: 2.2.187
what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued
Link: 2.2.188
her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the
Link: 2.2.189
wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have
Link: 2.2.190
merited, either in my mind or, in my means, meed,
Link: 2.2.191
I am sure, I have received none; unless experience
Link: 2.2.192
be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite
Link: 2.2.193
rate, and that hath taught me to say this:
Link: 2.2.194
'Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues;
Link: 2.2.195
Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.'
Link: 2.2.196

FALSTAFF
Have you received no promise of satisfaction at her hands?
Link: 2.2.197

FORD

FALSTAFF
Have you importuned her to such a purpose?
Link: 2.2.199

FORD

FALSTAFF
Of what quality was your love, then?
Link: 2.2.201

FORD
Like a fair house built on another man's ground; so
Link: 2.2.202
that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place
Link: 2.2.203
where I erected it.
Link: 2.2.204

FALSTAFF
To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?
Link: 2.2.205

FORD
When I have told you that, I have told you all.
Link: 2.2.206
Some say, that though she appear honest to me, yet in
Link: 2.2.207
other places she enlargeth her mirth so far that
Link: 2.2.208
there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir
Link: 2.2.209
John, here is the heart of my purpose: you are a
Link: 2.2.210
gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable
Link: 2.2.211
discourse, of great admittance, authentic in your
Link: 2.2.212
place and person, generally allowed for your many
Link: 2.2.213
war-like, court-like, and learned preparations.
Link: 2.2.214

FALSTAFF

FORD
Believe it, for you know it. There is money; spend
Link: 2.2.216
it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only
Link: 2.2.217
give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as
Link: 2.2.218
to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this
Link: 2.2.219
Ford's wife: use your art of wooing; win her to
Link: 2.2.220
consent to you: if any man may, you may as soon as
Link: 2.2.221

FALSTAFF
Would it apply well to the vehemency of your
Link: 2.2.223
affection, that I should win what you would enjoy?
Link: 2.2.224
Methinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.
Link: 2.2.225

FORD
O, understand my drift. She dwells so securely on
Link: 2.2.226
the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my
Link: 2.2.227
soul dares not present itself: she is too bright to
Link: 2.2.228
be looked against. Now, could I could come to her
Link: 2.2.229
with any detection in my hand, my desires had
Link: 2.2.230
instance and argument to commend themselves: I
Link: 2.2.231
could drive her then from the ward of her purity,
Link: 2.2.232
her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand
Link: 2.2.233
other her defences, which now are too too strongly
Link: 2.2.234
embattled against me. What say you to't, Sir John?
Link: 2.2.235

FALSTAFF
Master Brook, I will first make bold with your
Link: 2.2.236
money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a
Link: 2.2.237
gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife.
Link: 2.2.238

FORD
O good sir!
Link: 2.2.239

FALSTAFF
I say you shall.
Link: 2.2.240

FORD
Want no money, Sir John; you shall want none.
Link: 2.2.241

FALSTAFF
Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook; you shall want
Link: 2.2.242
none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her
Link: 2.2.243
own appointment; even as you came in to me, her
Link: 2.2.244
assistant or go-between parted from me: I say I
Link: 2.2.245
shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at
Link: 2.2.246
that time the jealous rascally knave her husband
Link: 2.2.247
will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall
Link: 2.2.248
know how I speed.
Link: 2.2.249

FORD
I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford,
Link: 2.2.250

FALSTAFF
Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:
Link: 2.2.252
yet I wrong him to call him poor; they say the
Link: 2.2.253
jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the
Link: 2.2.254
which his wife seems to me well-favored. I will
Link: 2.2.255
use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer;
Link: 2.2.256
and there's my harvest-home.
Link: 2.2.257

FORD
I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might avoid him
Link: 2.2.258
if you saw him.
Link: 2.2.259

FALSTAFF
Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will
Link: 2.2.260
stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with my
Link: 2.2.261
cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the
Link: 2.2.262
cuckold's horns. Master Brook, thou shalt know I
Link: 2.2.263
will predominate over the peasant, and thou shalt
Link: 2.2.264
lie with his wife. Come to me soon at night.
Link: 2.2.265
Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his style;
Link: 2.2.266
thou, Master Brook, shalt know him for knave and
Link: 2.2.267
cuckold. Come to me soon at night.
Link: 2.2.268

Exit

FORD
What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is
Link: 2.2.269
ready to crack with impatience. Who says this is
Link: 2.2.270
improvident jealousy? my wife hath sent to him; the
Link: 2.2.271
hour is fixed; the match is made. Would any man
Link: 2.2.272
have thought this? See the hell of having a false
Link: 2.2.273
woman! My bed shall be abused, my coffers
Link: 2.2.274
ransacked, my reputation gnawn at; and I shall not
Link: 2.2.275
only receive this villanous wrong, but stand under
Link: 2.2.276
the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that
Link: 2.2.277
does me this wrong. Terms! names! Amaimon sounds
Link: 2.2.278
well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are
Link: 2.2.279
devils' additions, the names of fiends: but
Link: 2.2.280
Cuckold! Wittol!--Cuckold! the devil himself hath
Link: 2.2.281
not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass: he
Link: 2.2.282
will trust his wife; he will not be jealous. I will
Link: 2.2.283
rather trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh
Link: 2.2.284
the Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my
Link: 2.2.285
aqua-vitae bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling
Link: 2.2.286
gelding, than my wife with herself; then she plots,
Link: 2.2.287
then she ruminates, then she devises; and what they
Link: 2.2.288
think in their hearts they may effect, they will
Link: 2.2.289
break their hearts but they will effect. God be
Link: 2.2.290
praised for my jealousy! Eleven o'clock the hour.
Link: 2.2.291
I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on
Link: 2.2.292
Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it;
Link: 2.2.293
better three hours too soon than a minute too late.
Link: 2.2.294
Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold!
Link: 2.2.295

Exit

SCENE III. A field near Windsor.

Scene 3 of Act 2 of The Merry Wives of Windsor takes place in a room in the Garter Inn. Falstaff, a fat and lustful knight, has sent a letter to Mistress Ford, a married woman, expressing his love for her and asking her to meet him in the same room. Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, another married woman, have received the letter and decided to play a prank on Falstaff.

They send Mistress Quickly, a servant, to tell Falstaff that Mistress Ford is interested in him and that her jealous husband is coming to the inn to catch them. Falstaff hides in a large laundry basket and is carried out of the inn by two of Mistress Ford's servants. However, instead of taking the basket to a private location, they dump it in the River Thames.

Falstaff is eventually rescued by some boys who are playing nearby and he curses the women for tricking him. Meanwhile, Mistress Page has also received a love letter from Falstaff and decides to join forces with Mistress Ford to teach him a lesson.

The scene is full of humor and mischief as the women outsmart the foolish and arrogant Falstaff. It also highlights the power dynamics between men and women in the play, as the women take control of the situation and manipulate Falstaff for their own amusement.

Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY

DOCTOR CAIUS
Jack Rugby!
Link: 2.3.1

RUGBY

DOCTOR CAIUS
Vat is de clock, Jack?
Link: 2.3.3

RUGBY
'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.
Link: 2.3.4

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he
Link: 2.3.5
has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar,
Link: 2.3.6
Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.
Link: 2.3.7

RUGBY
He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill
Link: 2.3.8
him, if he came.
Link: 2.3.9

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him.
Link: 2.3.10
Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
Link: 2.3.11

RUGBY
Alas, sir, I cannot fence.
Link: 2.3.12

DOCTOR CAIUS
Villany, take your rapier.
Link: 2.3.13

RUGBY
Forbear; here's company.
Link: 2.3.14

Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE

Host
Bless thee, bully doctor!
Link: 2.3.15

SHALLOW
Save you, Master Doctor Caius!
Link: 2.3.16

PAGE
Now, good master doctor!
Link: 2.3.17

SLENDER
Give you good morrow, sir.
Link: 2.3.18

DOCTOR CAIUS
Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?
Link: 2.3.19

Host
To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee
Link: 2.3.20
traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to
Link: 2.3.21
see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy
Link: 2.3.22
distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is
Link: 2.3.23
he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my
Link: 2.3.24
AEsculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is
Link: 2.3.25
he dead, bully stale? is he dead?
Link: 2.3.26

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he
Link: 2.3.27
is not show his face.
Link: 2.3.28

Host
Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!
Link: 2.3.29

DOCTOR CAIUS
I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or
Link: 2.3.30
seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.
Link: 2.3.31

SHALLOW
He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of
Link: 2.3.32
souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should
Link: 2.3.33
fight, you go against the hair of your professions.
Link: 2.3.34
Is it not true, Master Page?
Link: 2.3.35

PAGE
Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great
Link: 2.3.36
fighter, though now a man of peace.
Link: 2.3.37

SHALLOW
Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of
Link: 2.3.38
the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to
Link: 2.3.39
make one. Though we are justices and doctors and
Link: 2.3.40
churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our
Link: 2.3.41
youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.
Link: 2.3.42

PAGE
'Tis true, Master Shallow.
Link: 2.3.43

SHALLOW
It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor
Link: 2.3.44
Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of
Link: 2.3.45
the peace: you have showed yourself a wise
Link: 2.3.46
physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise
Link: 2.3.47
and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.
Link: 2.3.48

Host
Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.
Link: 2.3.49

DOCTOR CAIUS
Mock-vater! vat is dat?
Link: 2.3.50

Host
Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.
Link: 2.3.51

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de
Link: 2.3.52
Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me
Link: 2.3.53
vill cut his ears.
Link: 2.3.54

Host
He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.
Link: 2.3.55

DOCTOR CAIUS
Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?
Link: 2.3.56

Host
That is, he will make thee amends.
Link: 2.3.57

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me;
Link: 2.3.58
for, by gar, me vill have it.
Link: 2.3.59

Host
And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag.
Link: 2.3.60

DOCTOR CAIUS
Me tank you for dat.
Link: 2.3.61

Host
And, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and
Link: 2.3.62
Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you
Link: 2.3.63
through the town to Frogmore.
Link: 2.3.64

Aside to them

PAGE
Sir Hugh is there, is he?
Link: 2.3.65

Host
He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will
Link: 2.3.66
bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?
Link: 2.3.67

SHALLOW
We will do it.
Link: 2.3.68

PAGE
Adieu, good master doctor.
Link: 2.3.69

Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a
Link: 2.3.70
jack-an-ape to Anne Page.
Link: 2.3.71

Host
Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold
Link: 2.3.72
water on thy choler: go about the fields with me
Link: 2.3.73
through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress
Link: 2.3.74
Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou
Link: 2.3.75
shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?
Link: 2.3.76

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you;
Link: 2.3.77
and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl,
Link: 2.3.78
de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
Link: 2.3.79

Host
For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne
Link: 2.3.80
Page. Said I well?
Link: 2.3.81

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, 'tis good; vell said.
Link: 2.3.82

Host
Let us wag, then.
Link: 2.3.83

DOCTOR CAIUS
Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.
Link: 2.3.84

Exeunt

Act III

Act 3 of "The Merry Wives of Windsor" sees the plot thicken as Sir John Falstaff's attempts to woo both Mistress Page and Mistress Ford are revealed to their husbands. The two women had received identical love letters from Falstaff, and they decide to play a prank on him by arranging to meet him separately at Mistress Ford's house while her husband is away.

Falstaff falls for the trap and ends up getting dumped into the river in a laundry basket. Meanwhile, Mistress Page's husband, jealous of the attention Falstaff is paying to his wife, disguises himself as a German doctor and visits Falstaff to diagnose him with a sexually transmitted disease.

At the same time, Anne Page, Mistress Page's daughter, is being courted by three different men, but her parents favor one in particular, Slender. However, Anne is in love with Fenton, a young man her parents disapprove of because of his lack of wealth and status.

In Act 3, Slender tries to win Anne's heart by serenading her with a song, but he is interrupted by Dr. Caius, one of Anne's other suitors. The two men end up fighting, and Anne's parents, along with the other characters, come to break up the fight.

The act ends with Falstaff plotting his revenge against the two women who tricked him and Anne trying to find a way to be with Fenton despite her parents' objections.

SCENE I. A field near Frogmore.

In Scene 1 of Act 3, a group of men are discussing their plans to woo a married woman named Mistress Ford. One man, Falstaff, believes he has a chance with her and has sent her a love letter. The men decide to warn Mistress Ford of Falstaff's intentions.

Meanwhile, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page have received the letter and are amused by Falstaff's audacity. They decide to play a trick on him and set up a meeting with him at Mistress Ford's house. They also plan to tell Mistress Ford's jealous husband, Mr. Ford, about the meeting so that he can catch Falstaff in the act.

When Falstaff arrives at Mistress Ford's house, she tells him that her husband is coming and he must hide in a basket of dirty laundry. Mr. Ford arrives and, with the help of some servants, searches the house for Falstaff. Eventually, they find the basket and dump its contents into the river.

Falstaff is humiliated but still determined to pursue Mistress Ford. The women continue to play tricks on him throughout the play, ultimately leading to his downfall.

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE

SIR HUGH EVANS
I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man,
Link: 3.1.1
and friend Simple by your name, which way have you
Link: 3.1.2
looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic?
Link: 3.1.3

SIMPLE
Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every
Link: 3.1.4
way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town
Link: 3.1.5

SIR HUGH EVANS
I most fehemently desire you you will also look that
Link: 3.1.7

SIMPLE
I will, sir.
Link: 3.1.9

Exit

SIR HUGH EVANS
'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and
Link: 3.1.10
trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have
Link: 3.1.11
deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog
Link: 3.1.12
his urinals about his knave's costard when I have
Link: 3.1.13
good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul!
Link: 3.1.14
To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Link: 3.1.15
Melodious birds sings madrigals;
Link: 3.1.16
There will we make our peds of roses,
Link: 3.1.17
And a thousand fragrant posies.
Link: 3.1.18
To shallow--
Link: 3.1.19
Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.
Link: 3.1.20
Melodious birds sing madrigals--
Link: 3.1.21
When as I sat in Pabylon--
Link: 3.1.22
And a thousand vagram posies.
Link: 3.1.23
To shallow c.
Link: 3.1.24

Re-enter SIMPLE

SIMPLE
Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.
Link: 3.1.25

SIR HUGH EVANS
He's welcome.
Link: 3.1.26
To shallow rivers, to whose falls-
Link: 3.1.27
Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?
Link: 3.1.28

SIMPLE
No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master
Link: 3.1.29
Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over
Link: 3.1.30
the stile, this way.
Link: 3.1.31

SIR HUGH EVANS
Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms.
Link: 3.1.32

Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER

SHALLOW
How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh.
Link: 3.1.33
Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student
Link: 3.1.34
from his book, and it is wonderful.
Link: 3.1.35

SLENDER
(Aside) Ah, sweet Anne Page!
Link: 3.1.36

PAGE
'Save you, good Sir Hugh!
Link: 3.1.37

SIR HUGH EVANS
'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
Link: 3.1.38

SHALLOW
What, the sword and the word! do you study them
Link: 3.1.39
both, master parson?
Link: 3.1.40

PAGE
And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this
Link: 3.1.41
raw rheumatic day!
Link: 3.1.42

SIR HUGH EVANS
There is reasons and causes for it.
Link: 3.1.43

PAGE
We are come to you to do a good office, master parson.
Link: 3.1.44

SIR HUGH EVANS
Fery well: what is it?
Link: 3.1.45

PAGE
Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike
Link: 3.1.46
having received wrong by some person, is at most
Link: 3.1.47
odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you
Link: 3.1.48

SHALLOW
I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never
Link: 3.1.50
heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so
Link: 3.1.51
wide of his own respect.
Link: 3.1.52

SIR HUGH EVANS
What is he?
Link: 3.1.53

PAGE
I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the
Link: 3.1.54
renowned French physician.
Link: 3.1.55

SIR HUGH EVANS
Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as
Link: 3.1.56
lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
Link: 3.1.57

PAGE

SIR HUGH EVANS
He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,
Link: 3.1.59
--and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you
Link: 3.1.60
would desires to be acquainted withal.
Link: 3.1.61

PAGE
I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him.
Link: 3.1.62

SHALLOW
(Aside) O sweet Anne Page!
Link: 3.1.63

SHALLOW
It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder:
Link: 3.1.64
here comes Doctor Caius.
Link: 3.1.65

Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY

PAGE
Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon.
Link: 3.1.66

SHALLOW
So do you, good master doctor.
Link: 3.1.67

Host
Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep
Link: 3.1.68
their limbs whole and hack our English.
Link: 3.1.69

DOCTOR CAIUS
I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear.
Link: 3.1.70
Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?
Link: 3.1.71

SIR HUGH EVANS
(Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS) Pray you, use your patience:
Link: 3.1.72
in good time.
Link: 3.1.73

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
Link: 3.1.74

SIR HUGH EVANS
(Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS) Pray you let us not be
Link: 3.1.75
laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you
Link: 3.1.76
in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends.
Link: 3.1.77
I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb
Link: 3.1.78
for missing your meetings and appointments.
Link: 3.1.79

DOCTOR CAIUS
Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I
Link: 3.1.80
not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place
Link: 3.1.81
I did appoint?
Link: 3.1.82

SIR HUGH EVANS
As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the
Link: 3.1.83
place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of
Link: 3.1.84
the Garter.
Link: 3.1.85

Host
Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
Link: 3.1.86
soul-curer and body-curer!
Link: 3.1.87

DOCTOR CAIUS
Ay, dat is very good; excellent.
Link: 3.1.88

Host
Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
Link: 3.1.89
politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I
Link: 3.1.90
lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the
Link: 3.1.91
motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir
Link: 3.1.92
Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the
Link: 3.1.93
no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me
Link: 3.1.94
thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have
Link: 3.1.95
deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong
Link: 3.1.96
places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are
Link: 3.1.97
whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay
Link: 3.1.98
their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace;
Link: 3.1.99
follow, follow, follow.
Link: 3.1.100

SHALLOW
Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.
Link: 3.1.101

SLENDER
(Aside) O sweet Anne Page!
Link: 3.1.102

Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host

DOCTOR CAIUS
Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of
Link: 3.1.103
us, ha, ha?
Link: 3.1.104

SIR HUGH EVANS
This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I
Link: 3.1.105
desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog
Link: 3.1.106
our prains together to be revenge on this same
Link: 3.1.107
scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
Link: 3.1.108

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me
Link: 3.1.109
where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
Link: 3.1.110

SIR HUGH EVANS
Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow.
Link: 3.1.111

Exeunt

SCENE II. A street.

Scene 2 of Act 3 takes place in the Garter Inn where Falstaff is plotting to seduce the wives of two wealthy men in Windsor. However, these women, Mistress Page and Mistress Ford, have caught wind of his plan and have decided to teach him a lesson.

In this scene, Mistress Quickly, a servant of the wives, delivers a letter to Falstaff from Mistress Ford inviting him to come to her house while her husband is out of town. Falstaff is overjoyed and believes his plan is working. However, Mistress Quickly warns him that he must be careful because Mistress Ford's husband is known to be jealous and violent.

Despite the warning, Falstaff decides to go to Mistress Ford's house and is dressed as a woman to avoid detection. When he arrives, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page play a prank on him by having him hide in a laundry basket when her husband unexpectedly returns home. The women then have the basket carried out of the house and thrown into a nearby river.

Falstaff is humiliated but still believes he has a chance with Mistress Page. He writes her a letter expressing his love and asking for another chance. However, Mistress Page and Mistress Ford have already compared notes and decide to play another prank on him. They invite him to come to a nearby park dressed in women's clothing where he will be met by Mistress Ford.

Falstaff agrees to the plan and eagerly awaits his meeting with Mistress Ford. However, when he arrives he is met not by her but by a group of children dressed as fairies who proceed to torment him. The scene ends with Falstaff running off in terror while the women laugh at their successful pranks.

Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN

MISTRESS PAGE
Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to
Link: 3.2.1
be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether
Link: 3.2.2
had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels?
Link: 3.2.3

ROBIN
I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man
Link: 3.2.4
than follow him like a dwarf.
Link: 3.2.5

MISTRESS PAGE
O, you are a flattering boy: now I see you'll be a courtier.
Link: 3.2.6

Enter FORD

FORD
Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?
Link: 3.2.7

MISTRESS PAGE
Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?
Link: 3.2.8

FORD
Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want
Link: 3.2.9
of company. I think, if your husbands were dead,
Link: 3.2.10
you two would marry.
Link: 3.2.11

MISTRESS PAGE
Be sure of that,--two other husbands.
Link: 3.2.12

FORD
Where had you this pretty weather-cock?
Link: 3.2.13

MISTRESS PAGE
I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my
Link: 3.2.14
husband had him of. What do you call your knight's
Link: 3.2.15
name, sirrah?
Link: 3.2.16

ROBIN
Sir John Falstaff.
Link: 3.2.17

FORD
Sir John Falstaff!
Link: 3.2.18

MISTRESS PAGE
He, he; I can never hit on's name. There is such a
Link: 3.2.19
league between my good man and he! Is your wife at
Link: 3.2.20
home indeed?
Link: 3.2.21

FORD
Indeed she is.
Link: 3.2.22

MISTRESS PAGE
By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her.
Link: 3.2.23

Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN

FORD
Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any
Link: 3.2.24
thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them.
Link: 3.2.25
Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as
Link: 3.2.26
easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve
Link: 3.2.27
score. He pieces out his wife's inclination; he
Link: 3.2.28
gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's
Link: 3.2.29
going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A
Link: 3.2.30
man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And
Link: 3.2.31
Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots, they are laid;
Link: 3.2.32
and our revolted wives share damnation together.
Link: 3.2.33
Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck
Link: 3.2.34
the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming
Link: 3.2.35
Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and
Link: 3.2.36
wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all
Link: 3.2.37
my neighbours shall cry aim.
Link: 3.2.38
The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me
Link: 3.2.39
search: there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be
Link: 3.2.40
rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as
Link: 3.2.41
positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is
Link: 3.2.42
there: I will go.
Link: 3.2.43

Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER, Host, SIR HUGH EVANS, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY

SHALLOW
Well met, Master Ford.
Link: 3.2.44

FORD
Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home;
Link: 3.2.46
and I pray you all go with me.
Link: 3.2.47

SHALLOW
I must excuse myself, Master Ford.
Link: 3.2.48

SLENDER
And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with
Link: 3.2.49
Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for
Link: 3.2.50
more money than I'll speak of.
Link: 3.2.51

SHALLOW
We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and
Link: 3.2.52
my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.
Link: 3.2.53

SLENDER
I hope I have your good will, father Page.
Link: 3.2.54

PAGE
You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you:
Link: 3.2.55
but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.
Link: 3.2.56

DOCTOR CAIUS
Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a
Link: 3.2.57
Quickly tell me so mush.
Link: 3.2.58

Host
What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he
Link: 3.2.59
dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he
Link: 3.2.60
speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will
Link: 3.2.61
carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he
Link: 3.2.62
will carry't.
Link: 3.2.63

PAGE
Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is
Link: 3.2.64
of no having: he kept company with the wild prince
Link: 3.2.65
and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too
Link: 3.2.66
much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes
Link: 3.2.67
with the finger of my substance: if he take her,
Link: 3.2.68
let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on
Link: 3.2.69
my consent, and my consent goes not that way.
Link: 3.2.70

FORD
I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me
Link: 3.2.71
to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have
Link: 3.2.72
sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor,
Link: 3.2.73
you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.
Link: 3.2.74

SHALLOW
Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing
Link: 3.2.75
at Master Page's.
Link: 3.2.76

Exeunt SHALLOW, and SLENDER

DOCTOR CAIUS
Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.
Link: 3.2.77

Exit RUGBY

Host
Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight
Link: 3.2.78
Falstaff, and drink canary with him.
Link: 3.2.79

Exit

FORD
(Aside) I think I shall drink in pipe wine first
Link: 3.2.80
with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?
Link: 3.2.81

All
Have with you to see this monster.
Link: 3.2.82

Exeunt

SCENE III. A room in FORD'S house.

In Scene 3 of Act 3, two of the wives, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, are planning to teach a lesson to a man named Falstaff who has been trying to seduce them. They come up with a plan to trick Falstaff into thinking he is meeting with Mistress Ford alone, while in fact, they will both be there to humiliate him.

Falstaff arrives and Mistress Ford pretends to be interested in him, but then they hear someone coming and she tells him to hide in a laundry basket. The person who arrives is Mistress Page’s husband, who is suspicious of his wife’s behavior and is looking for Falstaff. The wives manage to convince him that he is mistaken and he leaves.

Falstaff emerges from the basket and is overjoyed that he has managed to escape. However, Mistress Page’s husband returns with a group of men, and they search the house for Falstaff. The wives manage to hide him in various places, including a buck basket and a ditch, and they make fun of him as he hides.

In the end, Falstaff manages to escape, but the wives have successfully taught him a lesson and he is left humiliated and ashamed.

Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE

MISTRESS FORD
What, John! What, Robert!
Link: 3.3.1

MISTRESS PAGE
Quickly, quickly! is the buck-basket--
Link: 3.3.2

MISTRESS FORD
I warrant. What, Robin, I say!
Link: 3.3.3

Enter Servants with a basket

MISTRESS PAGE
Come, come, come.
Link: 3.3.4

MISTRESS FORD
Here, set it down.
Link: 3.3.5

MISTRESS PAGE
Give your men the charge; we must be brief.
Link: 3.3.6

MISTRESS FORD
Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be
Link: 3.3.7
ready here hard by in the brew-house: and when I
Link: 3.3.8
suddenly call you, come forth, and without any pause
Link: 3.3.9
or staggering take this basket on your shoulders:
Link: 3.3.10
that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry
Link: 3.3.11
it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there
Link: 3.3.12
empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.
Link: 3.3.13

MISTRESS PAGE
You will do it?
Link: 3.3.14

MISTRESS FORD
I ha' told them over and over; they lack no
Link: 3.3.15
direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.
Link: 3.3.16

Exeunt Servants

MISTRESS PAGE
Here comes little Robin.
Link: 3.3.17

Enter ROBIN

MISTRESS FORD
How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?
Link: 3.3.18

ROBIN
My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door,
Link: 3.3.19
Mistress Ford, and requests your company.
Link: 3.3.20

MISTRESS PAGE
You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?
Link: 3.3.21

ROBIN
Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your
Link: 3.3.22
being here and hath threatened to put me into
Link: 3.3.23
everlasting liberty if I tell you of it; for he
Link: 3.3.24
swears he'll turn me away.
Link: 3.3.25

MISTRESS PAGE
Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be
Link: 3.3.26
a tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet
Link: 3.3.27
and hose. I'll go hide me.
Link: 3.3.28

MISTRESS FORD
Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone.
Link: 3.3.29
Mistress Page, remember you your cue.
Link: 3.3.30

MISTRESS PAGE
I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me.
Link: 3.3.31

Exit

MISTRESS FORD
Go to, then: we'll use this unwholesome humidity,
Link: 3.3.32
this gross watery pumpion; we'll teach him to know
Link: 3.3.33
turtles from jays.
Link: 3.3.34

Enter FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF
Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let
Link: 3.3.35
me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the
Link: 3.3.36
period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!
Link: 3.3.37

MISTRESS FORD
O sweet Sir John!
Link: 3.3.38

FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate,
Link: 3.3.39
Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would
Link: 3.3.40
thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before the
Link: 3.3.41
best lord; I would make thee my lady.
Link: 3.3.42

MISTRESS FORD
I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady!
Link: 3.3.43

FALSTAFF
Let the court of France show me such another. I see
Link: 3.3.44
how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast
Link: 3.3.45
the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the
Link: 3.3.46
ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of
Link: 3.3.47
Venetian admittance.
Link: 3.3.48

MISTRESS FORD
A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become nothing
Link: 3.3.49
else; nor that well neither.
Link: 3.3.50

FALSTAFF
By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou
Link: 3.3.51
wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm
Link: 3.3.52
fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion
Link: 3.3.53
to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see
Link: 3.3.54
what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe were not, Nature
Link: 3.3.55
thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.
Link: 3.3.56

MISTRESS FORD
Believe me, there is no such thing in me.
Link: 3.3.57

FALSTAFF
What made me love thee? let that persuade thee
Link: 3.3.58
there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I
Link: 3.3.59
cannot cog and say thou art this and that, like a
Link: 3.3.60
many of these lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like
Link: 3.3.61
women in men's apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury
Link: 3.3.62
in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none
Link: 3.3.63
but thee; and thou deservest it.
Link: 3.3.64

MISTRESS FORD
Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page.
Link: 3.3.65

FALSTAFF
Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the
Link: 3.3.66
Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek
Link: 3.3.67
of a lime-kiln.
Link: 3.3.68

MISTRESS FORD
Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one
Link: 3.3.69
day find it.
Link: 3.3.70

FALSTAFF
Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it.
Link: 3.3.71

MISTRESS FORD
Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not
Link: 3.3.72
be in that mind.
Link: 3.3.73

ROBIN
(Within) Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here's
Link: 3.3.74
Mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing and
Link: 3.3.75
looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.
Link: 3.3.76

FALSTAFF
She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.
Link: 3.3.77

MISTRESS FORD
Pray you, do so: she's a very tattling woman.
Link: 3.3.78
What's the matter? how now!
Link: 3.3.79

MISTRESS PAGE
O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed,
Link: 3.3.80
you're overthrown, you're undone for ever!
Link: 3.3.81

MISTRESS FORD
What's the matter, good Mistress Page?
Link: 3.3.82

MISTRESS PAGE
O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an honest man
Link: 3.3.83
to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!
Link: 3.3.84

MISTRESS FORD
What cause of suspicion?
Link: 3.3.85

MISTRESS PAGE
What cause of suspicion! Out pon you! how am I
Link: 3.3.86
mistook in you!
Link: 3.3.87

MISTRESS FORD
Why, alas, what's the matter?
Link: 3.3.88

MISTRESS PAGE
Your husband's coming hither, woman, with all the
Link: 3.3.89
officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that
Link: 3.3.90
he says is here now in the house by your consent, to
Link: 3.3.91
take an ill advantage of his assence: you are undone.
Link: 3.3.92

MISTRESS FORD
'Tis not so, I hope.
Link: 3.3.93

MISTRESS PAGE
Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man
Link: 3.3.94
here! but 'tis most certain your husband's coming,
Link: 3.3.95
with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a
Link: 3.3.96
one. I come before to tell you. If you know
Link: 3.3.97
yourself clear, why, I am glad of it; but if you
Link: 3.3.98
have a friend here convey, convey him out. Be not
Link: 3.3.99
amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your
Link: 3.3.100
reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.
Link: 3.3.101

MISTRESS FORD
What shall I do? There is a gentleman my dear
Link: 3.3.102
friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his
Link: 3.3.103
peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were
Link: 3.3.104
out of the house.
Link: 3.3.105

MISTRESS PAGE
For shame! never stand 'you had rather' and 'you
Link: 3.3.106
had rather:' your husband's here at hand, bethink
Link: 3.3.107
you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot
Link: 3.3.108
hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here
Link: 3.3.109
is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he
Link: 3.3.110
may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as
Link: 3.3.111
if it were going to bucking: or--it is whiting-time
Link: 3.3.112
--send him by your two men to Datchet-mead.
Link: 3.3.113

MISTRESS FORD
He's too big to go in there. What shall I do?
Link: 3.3.114

FALSTAFF
(Coming forward) Let me see't, let me see't, O, let
Link: 3.3.115
me see't! I'll in, I'll in. Follow your friend's
Link: 3.3.116
counsel. I'll in.
Link: 3.3.117

MISTRESS PAGE
What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?
Link: 3.3.118

FALSTAFF
I love thee. Help me away. Let me creep in here.
Link: 3.3.119
I'll never--
Link: 3.3.120

Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen

MISTRESS PAGE
Help to cover your master, boy. Call your men,
Link: 3.3.121
Mistress Ford. You dissembling knight!
Link: 3.3.122

MISTRESS FORD
What, John! Robert! John!
Link: 3.3.123
Go take up these clothes here quickly. Where's the
Link: 3.3.124
cowl-staff? look, how you drumble! Carry them to
Link: 3.3.125
the laundress in Datchet-meat; quickly, come.
Link: 3.3.126

Enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS

FORD
Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause,
Link: 3.3.127
why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest;
Link: 3.3.128
I deserve it. How now! whither bear you this?
Link: 3.3.129

Servant
To the laundress, forsooth.
Link: 3.3.130

MISTRESS FORD
Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You
Link: 3.3.131
were best meddle with buck-washing.
Link: 3.3.132

FORD
Buck! I would I could wash myself of the buck!
Link: 3.3.133
Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck;
Link: 3.3.134
and of the season too, it shall appear.
Link: 3.3.135
Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my
Link: 3.3.136
dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my
Link: 3.3.137
chambers; search, seek, find out: I'll warrant
Link: 3.3.138
we'll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first.
Link: 3.3.139
So, now uncape.
Link: 3.3.140

PAGE
Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.
Link: 3.3.141

FORD
True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen: you shall see
Link: 3.3.142
sport anon: follow me, gentlemen.
Link: 3.3.143

Exit

SIR HUGH EVANS
This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies.
Link: 3.3.144

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, 'tis no the fashion of France; it is not
Link: 3.3.145
jealous in France.
Link: 3.3.146

PAGE
Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search.
Link: 3.3.147

Exeunt PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS

MISTRESS PAGE
Is there not a double excellency in this?
Link: 3.3.148

MISTRESS FORD
I know not which pleases me better, that my husband
Link: 3.3.149
is deceived, or Sir John.
Link: 3.3.150

MISTRESS PAGE
What a taking was he in when your husband asked who
Link: 3.3.151
was in the basket!
Link: 3.3.152

MISTRESS FORD
I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so
Link: 3.3.153
throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.
Link: 3.3.154

MISTRESS PAGE
Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same
Link: 3.3.155
strain were in the same distress.
Link: 3.3.156

MISTRESS FORD
I think my husband hath some special suspicion of
Link: 3.3.157
Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross
Link: 3.3.158
in his jealousy till now.
Link: 3.3.159

MISTRESS PAGE
I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have
Link: 3.3.160
more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will
Link: 3.3.161
scarce obey this medicine.
Link: 3.3.162

MISTRESS FORD
Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress
Link: 3.3.163
Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the
Link: 3.3.164
water; and give him another hope, to betray him to
Link: 3.3.165
another punishment?
Link: 3.3.166

MISTRESS PAGE
We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow,
Link: 3.3.167
eight o'clock, to have amends.
Link: 3.3.168

Re-enter FORD, PAGE, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS

FORD
I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that
Link: 3.3.169
he could not compass.
Link: 3.3.170

MISTRESS PAGE
(Aside to MISTRESS FORD) Heard you that?
Link: 3.3.171

MISTRESS FORD
You use me well, Master Ford, do you?
Link: 3.3.172

FORD
Ay, I do so.
Link: 3.3.173

MISTRESS FORD
Heaven make you better than your thoughts!
Link: 3.3.174

FORD

MISTRESS PAGE
You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.
Link: 3.3.176

FORD
Ay, ay; I must bear it.
Link: 3.3.177

SIR HUGH EVANS
If there be any pody in the house, and in the
Link: 3.3.178
chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses,
Link: 3.3.179
heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment!
Link: 3.3.180

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.
Link: 3.3.181

PAGE
Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? What
Link: 3.3.182
spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I
Link: 3.3.183
would not ha' your distemper in this kind for the
Link: 3.3.184
wealth of Windsor Castle.
Link: 3.3.185

FORD
'Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.
Link: 3.3.186

SIR HUGH EVANS
You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as
Link: 3.3.187
honest a 'omans as I will desires among five
Link: 3.3.188
thousand, and five hundred too.
Link: 3.3.189

DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.
Link: 3.3.190

FORD
Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk in
Link: 3.3.191
the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter
Link: 3.3.192
make known to you why I have done this. Come,
Link: 3.3.193
wife; come, Mistress Page. I pray you, pardon me;
Link: 3.3.194
pray heartily, pardon me.
Link: 3.3.195

PAGE
Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock
Link: 3.3.196
him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house
Link: 3.3.197
to breakfast: after, we'll a-birding together; I
Link: 3.3.198
have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?
Link: 3.3.199

FORD
Any thing.
Link: 3.3.200

SIR HUGH EVANS
If there is one, I shall make two in the company.
Link: 3.3.201

DOCTOR CAIUS
If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.
Link: 3.3.202

FORD
Pray you, go, Master Page.
Link: 3.3.203

SIR HUGH EVANS
I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the lousy
Link: 3.3.204
knave, mine host.
Link: 3.3.205

DOCTOR CAIUS
Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart!
Link: 3.3.206

SIR HUGH EVANS
A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries!
Link: 3.3.207

Exeunt

SCENE IV. A room in PAGE'S house.

In Scene 4 of Act 3, two men, Ford and Page, are discussing their suspicions that their wives are having affairs with a man named Falstaff. They decide to visit Falstaff's house to see if they can catch him in the act.

Meanwhile, Falstaff has received a letter from Mistress Ford, inviting him to come to her house for some alone time. He eagerly accepts the invitation and tells his servant to deliver a gift of wine to Mistress Ford as a thank you.

When Ford and Page arrive at Falstaff's house, Falstaff hides in a laundry basket to avoid being caught. The two men search the house but are unable to find any evidence of their wives' infidelity.

After they leave, Falstaff emerges from the basket and boasts to his servant about his plans to seduce Mistress Ford. However, when Mistress Ford's husband returns unexpectedly, Falstaff is once again forced to hide in the basket.

Mistress Ford and Mistress Page arrive at the house and tell Ford that Falstaff has been hiding in the laundry basket. They decide to get revenge on Falstaff and have their husbands and some other men dress up as fairies and scare him the next time he comes to their house.

The scene ends with Falstaff still hiding in the basket, unaware of the plan that is about to befall him.

Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE

FENTON
I see I cannot get thy father's love;
Link: 3.4.1
Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan.
Link: 3.4.2

ANNE PAGE
Alas, how then?
Link: 3.4.3

FENTON
Why, thou must be thyself.
Link: 3.4.4
He doth object I am too great of birth--,
Link: 3.4.5
And that, my state being gall'd with my expense,
Link: 3.4.6
I seek to heal it only by his wealth:
Link: 3.4.7
Besides these, other bars he lays before me,
Link: 3.4.8
My riots past, my wild societies;
Link: 3.4.9
And tells me 'tis a thing impossible
Link: 3.4.10
I should love thee but as a property.
Link: 3.4.11

ANNE PAGE
May be he tells you true.
Link: 3.4.12

FENTON
No, heaven so speed me in my time to come!
Link: 3.4.13
Albeit I will confess thy father's wealth
Link: 3.4.14
Was the first motive that I woo'd thee, Anne:
Link: 3.4.15
Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value
Link: 3.4.16
Than stamps in gold or sums in sealed bags;
Link: 3.4.17
And 'tis the very riches of thyself
Link: 3.4.18
That now I aim at.
Link: 3.4.19

ANNE PAGE
Gentle Master Fenton,
Link: 3.4.20
Yet seek my father's love; still seek it, sir:
Link: 3.4.21
If opportunity and humblest suit
Link: 3.4.22
Cannot attain it, why, then,--hark you hither!
Link: 3.4.23

They converse apart

Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and MISTRESS QUICKLY

SHALLOW
Break their talk, Mistress Quickly: my kinsman shall
Link: 3.4.24
speak for himself.
Link: 3.4.25

SLENDER
I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: 'slid, 'tis but
Link: 3.4.26
venturing.
Link: 3.4.27

SHALLOW
Be not dismayed.
Link: 3.4.28

SLENDER
No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that,
Link: 3.4.29
but that I am afeard.
Link: 3.4.30

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Hark ye; Master Slender would speak a word with you.
Link: 3.4.31

ANNE PAGE
I come to him.
Link: 3.4.32
This is my father's choice.
Link: 3.4.33
O, what a world of vile ill-favor'd faults
Link: 3.4.34
Looks handsome in three hundred pounds a-year!
Link: 3.4.35

MISTRESS QUICKLY
And how does good Master Fenton? Pray you, a word with you.
Link: 3.4.36

SHALLOW
She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father!
Link: 3.4.37

SLENDER
I had a father, Mistress Anne; my uncle can tell you
Link: 3.4.38
good jests of him. Pray you, uncle, tell Mistress
Link: 3.4.39
Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of
Link: 3.4.40
a pen, good uncle.
Link: 3.4.41

SHALLOW
Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you.
Link: 3.4.42

SLENDER
Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in
Link: 3.4.43
Gloucestershire.
Link: 3.4.44

SHALLOW
He will maintain you like a gentlewoman.
Link: 3.4.45

SLENDER
Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the
Link: 3.4.46
degree of a squire.
Link: 3.4.47

SHALLOW
He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure.
Link: 3.4.48

ANNE PAGE
Good Master Shallow, let him woo for himself.
Link: 3.4.49

SHALLOW
Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good
Link: 3.4.50
comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you.
Link: 3.4.51

ANNE PAGE
Now, Master Slender,--
Link: 3.4.52

SLENDER
Now, good Mistress Anne,--
Link: 3.4.53

ANNE PAGE
What is your will?
Link: 3.4.54

SLENDER
My will! 'od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest
Link: 3.4.55
indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I
Link: 3.4.56
am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise.
Link: 3.4.57

ANNE PAGE
I mean, Master Slender, what would you with me?
Link: 3.4.58

SLENDER
Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing
Link: 3.4.59
with you. Your father and my uncle hath made
Link: 3.4.60
motions: if it be my luck, so; if not, happy man be
Link: 3.4.61
his dole! They can tell you how things go better
Link: 3.4.62
than I can: you may ask your father; here he comes.
Link: 3.4.63

Enter PAGE and MISTRESS PAGE

PAGE
Now, Master Slender: love him, daughter Anne.
Link: 3.4.64
Why, how now! what does Master Fenton here?
Link: 3.4.65
You wrong me, sir, thus still to haunt my house:
Link: 3.4.66
I told you, sir, my daughter is disposed of.
Link: 3.4.67

FENTON
Nay, Master Page, be not impatient.
Link: 3.4.68

MISTRESS PAGE
Good Master Fenton, come not to my child.
Link: 3.4.69

PAGE
She is no match for you.
Link: 3.4.70

FENTON
Sir, will you hear me?
Link: 3.4.71

PAGE
No, good Master Fenton.
Link: 3.4.72
Come, Master Shallow; come, son Slender, in.
Link: 3.4.73
Knowing my mind, you wrong me, Master Fenton.
Link: 3.4.74

Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Speak to Mistress Page.
Link: 3.4.75

FENTON
Good Mistress Page, for that I love your daughter
Link: 3.4.76
In such a righteous fashion as I do,
Link: 3.4.77
Perforce, against all cheques, rebukes and manners,
Link: 3.4.78
I must advance the colours of my love
Link: 3.4.79
And not retire: let me have your good will.
Link: 3.4.80

ANNE PAGE
Good mother, do not marry me to yond fool.
Link: 3.4.81

MISTRESS PAGE
I mean it not; I seek you a better husband.
Link: 3.4.82

MISTRESS QUICKLY
That's my master, master doctor.
Link: 3.4.83

ANNE PAGE
Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the earth
Link: 3.4.84
And bowl'd to death with turnips!
Link: 3.4.85

MISTRESS PAGE
Come, trouble not yourself. Good Master Fenton,
Link: 3.4.86
I will not be your friend nor enemy:
Link: 3.4.87
My daughter will I question how she loves you,
Link: 3.4.88
And as I find her, so am I affected.
Link: 3.4.89
Till then farewell, sir: she must needs go in;
Link: 3.4.90
Her father will be angry.
Link: 3.4.91

FENTON
Farewell, gentle mistress: farewell, Nan.
Link: 3.4.92

Exeunt MISTRESS PAGE and ANNE PAGE

MISTRESS QUICKLY
This is my doing, now: 'Nay,' said I, 'will you cast
Link: 3.4.93
away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on
Link: 3.4.94
Master Fenton:' this is my doing.
Link: 3.4.95

FENTON
I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night
Link: 3.4.96
Give my sweet Nan this ring: there's for thy pains.
Link: 3.4.97

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Now heaven send thee good fortune!
Link: 3.4.98
A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through
Link: 3.4.99
fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet I
Link: 3.4.100
would my master had Mistress Anne; or I would
Link: 3.4.101
Master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would Master
Link: 3.4.102
Fenton had her; I will do what I can for them all
Link: 3.4.103
three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as good
Link: 3.4.104
as my word; but speciously for Master Fenton. Well,
Link: 3.4.105
I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from
Link: 3.4.106
my two mistresses: what a beast am I to slack it!
Link: 3.4.107

Exit

SCENE V. A room in the Garter Inn.

Scene 5 of Act 3 takes place at the Garter Inn where Falstaff is waiting for Mistress Ford to arrive. When she arrives, Falstaff tries to flatter and woo her, but she quickly tells him that she is not interested in him and that he should leave. Just as Falstaff is about to leave, Mistress Page arrives and tells Mistress Ford that her husband is coming.

Quickly, the two women come up with a plan to hide Falstaff in a laundry basket and to have him carried out to avoid being caught by Mistress Ford's husband. As Falstaff is being carried out, he is thrown into the river by the men carrying the basket.

Mistress Ford and Mistress Page then tell their husbands about Falstaff's attempts to seduce them and show them the love letters that he had written to them. The husbands decide to get revenge on Falstaff by inviting him to a meeting in the forest, but they plan to dress up as fairies and scare him.

Overall, Scene 5 of Act 3 is a comedic and farcical scene that involves mistaken identities, hiding in laundry baskets, and plans for revenge.

Enter FALSTAFF and BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF
Bardolph, I say,--
Link: 3.5.1

BARDOLPH
Here, sir.
Link: 3.5.2

FALSTAFF
Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't.
Link: 3.5.3
Have I lived to be carried in a basket, like a
Link: 3.5.4
barrow of butcher's offal, and to be thrown in the
Link: 3.5.5
Thames? Well, if I be served such another trick,
Link: 3.5.6
I'll have my brains ta'en out and buttered, and give
Link: 3.5.7
them to a dog for a new-year's gift. The rogues
Link: 3.5.8
slighted me into the river with as little remorse as
Link: 3.5.9
they would have drowned a blind bitch's puppies,
Link: 3.5.10
fifteen i' the litter: and you may know by my size
Link: 3.5.11
that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the
Link: 3.5.12
bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had
Link: 3.5.13
been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and
Link: 3.5.14
shallow,--a death that I abhor; for the water swells
Link: 3.5.15
a man; and what a thing should I have been when I
Link: 3.5.16
had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy.
Link: 3.5.17

Re-enter BARDOLPH with sack

BARDOLPH
Here's Mistress Quickly, sir, to speak with you.
Link: 3.5.18

FALSTAFF
Let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my
Link: 3.5.19
belly's as cold as if I had swallowed snowballs for
Link: 3.5.20
pills to cool the reins. Call her in.
Link: 3.5.21

BARDOLPH
Come in, woman!
Link: 3.5.22

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY

MISTRESS QUICKLY
By your leave; I cry you mercy: give your worship
Link: 3.5.23
good morrow.
Link: 3.5.24

FALSTAFF
Take away these chalices. Go brew me a pottle of
Link: 3.5.25
sack finely.
Link: 3.5.26

BARDOLPH
With eggs, sir?
Link: 3.5.27

FALSTAFF
Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.
Link: 3.5.28
How now!
Link: 3.5.29

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Marry, sir, I come to your worship from Mistress Ford.
Link: 3.5.30

FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough; I was thrown
Link: 3.5.31
into the ford; I have my belly full of ford.
Link: 3.5.32

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault:
Link: 3.5.33
she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection.
Link: 3.5.34

FALSTAFF
So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise.
Link: 3.5.35

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yearn
Link: 3.5.36
your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning
Link: 3.5.37
a-birding; she desires you once more to come to her
Link: 3.5.38
between eight and nine: I must carry her word
Link: 3.5.39
quickly: she'll make you amends, I warrant you.
Link: 3.5.40

FALSTAFF
Well, I will visit her: tell her so; and bid her
Link: 3.5.41
think what a man is: let her consider his frailty,
Link: 3.5.42
and then judge of my merit.
Link: 3.5.43

MISTRESS QUICKLY
I will tell her.
Link: 3.5.44

FALSTAFF
Do so. Between nine and ten, sayest thou?
Link: 3.5.45

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Eight and nine, sir.
Link: 3.5.46

FALSTAFF
Well, be gone: I will not miss her.
Link: 3.5.47

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Peace be with you, sir.
Link: 3.5.48

Exit

FALSTAFF
I marvel I hear not of Master Brook; he sent me word
Link: 3.5.49
to stay within: I like his money well. O, here he comes.
Link: 3.5.50

Enter FORD

FORD
Bless you, sir!
Link: 3.5.51

FALSTAFF
Now, master Brook, you come to know what hath passed
Link: 3.5.52
between me and Ford's wife?
Link: 3.5.53

FORD
That, indeed, Sir John, is my business.
Link: 3.5.54

FALSTAFF
Master Brook, I will not lie to you: I was at her
Link: 3.5.55
house the hour she appointed me.
Link: 3.5.56

FORD
And sped you, sir?
Link: 3.5.57

FALSTAFF
Very ill-favoredly, Master Brook.
Link: 3.5.58

FORD
How so, sir? Did she change her determination?
Link: 3.5.59

FALSTAFF
No, Master Brook; but the peaking Cornuto her
Link: 3.5.60
husband, Master Brook, dwelling in a continual
Link: 3.5.61
'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our
Link: 3.5.62
encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested,
Link: 3.5.63
and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy;
Link: 3.5.64
and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither
Link: 3.5.65
provoked and instigated by his distemper, and,
Link: 3.5.66
forsooth, to search his house for his wife's love.
Link: 3.5.67

FORD
What, while you were there?
Link: 3.5.68

FALSTAFF
While I was there.
Link: 3.5.69

FORD
And did he search for you, and could not find you?
Link: 3.5.70

FALSTAFF
You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes
Link: 3.5.71
in one Mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford's
Link: 3.5.72
approach; and, in her invention and Ford's wife's
Link: 3.5.73
distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-basket.
Link: 3.5.74

FORD
A buck-basket!
Link: 3.5.75

FALSTAFF
By the Lord, a buck-basket! rammed me in with foul
Link: 3.5.76
shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, greasy
Link: 3.5.77
napkins; that, Master Brook, there was the rankest
Link: 3.5.78
compound of villanous smell that ever offended nostril.
Link: 3.5.79

FORD
And how long lay you there?
Link: 3.5.80

FALSTAFF
Nay, you shall hear, Master Brook, what I have
Link: 3.5.81
suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good.
Link: 3.5.82
Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's
Link: 3.5.83
knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their
Link: 3.5.84
mistress to carry me in the name of foul clothes to
Link: 3.5.85
Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met
Link: 3.5.86
the jealous knave their master in the door, who
Link: 3.5.87
asked them once or twice what they had in their
Link: 3.5.88
basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic knave
Link: 3.5.89
would have searched it; but fate, ordaining he
Link: 3.5.90
should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well: on went he
Link: 3.5.91
for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. But
Link: 3.5.92
mark the sequel, Master Brook: I suffered the pangs
Link: 3.5.93
of three several deaths; first, an intolerable
Link: 3.5.94
fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten
Link: 3.5.95
bell-wether; next, to be compassed, like a good
Link: 3.5.96
bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to
Link: 3.5.97
point, heel to head; and then, to be stopped in,
Link: 3.5.98
like a strong distillation, with stinking clothes
Link: 3.5.99
that fretted in their own grease: think of that,--a
Link: 3.5.100
man of my kidney,--think of that,--that am as subject
Link: 3.5.101
to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution
Link: 3.5.102
and thaw: it was a miracle to scape suffocation.
Link: 3.5.103
And in the height of this bath, when I was more than
Link: 3.5.104
half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be
Link: 3.5.105
thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot,
Link: 3.5.106
in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of
Link: 3.5.107
that,--hissing hot,--think of that, Master Brook.
Link: 3.5.108

FORD
In good sadness, I am sorry that for my sake you
Link: 3.5.109
have sufferd all this. My suit then is desperate;
Link: 3.5.110
you'll undertake her no more?
Link: 3.5.111

FALSTAFF
Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have
Link: 3.5.112
been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her
Link: 3.5.113
husband is this morning gone a-birding: I have
Link: 3.5.114
received from her another embassy of meeting; 'twixt
Link: 3.5.115
eight and nine is the hour, Master Brook.
Link: 3.5.116

FORD
'Tis past eight already, sir.
Link: 3.5.117

FALSTAFF
Is it? I will then address me to my appointment.
Link: 3.5.118
Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall
Link: 3.5.119
know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be
Link: 3.5.120
crowned with your enjoying her. Adieu. You shall
Link: 3.5.121
have her, Master Brook; Master Brook, you shall
Link: 3.5.122
cuckold Ford.
Link: 3.5.123

Exit

FORD
Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a dream? do I
Link: 3.5.124
sleep? Master Ford awake! awake, Master Ford!
Link: 3.5.125
there's a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford.
Link: 3.5.126
This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen
Link: 3.5.127
and buck-baskets! Well, I will proclaim myself
Link: 3.5.128
what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my
Link: 3.5.129
house; he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he
Link: 3.5.130
should; he cannot creep into a halfpenny purse,
Link: 3.5.131
nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that
Link: 3.5.132
guides him should aid him, I will search
Link: 3.5.133
impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid,
Link: 3.5.134
yet to be what I would not shall not make me tame:
Link: 3.5.135
if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go
Link: 3.5.136
with me: I'll be horn-mad.
Link: 3.5.137

Exit

Act IV

In Act 4 of The Merry Wives of Windsor, the plot thickens as Sir John Falstaff's plans to seduce two wealthy women, Mistress Page and Mistress Ford, are foiled. The two women, who are close friends, hatch a plan to trick Falstaff into revealing his intentions and humiliate him.

They invite Falstaff to meet them separately, but their messages are identical and they compare notes, realizing that Falstaff is playing them both. They decide to get their revenge by inviting Falstaff to Mistress Ford's house, where they will hide him in a laundry basket and carry him out to the river, pretending to be dumping him in the water.

Meanwhile, other characters are also entangled in their own subplots. Mistress Quickly, a servant, is trying to help Dr. Caius, a French physician, win the affections of Anne Page, Mistress Page's daughter. However, Anne is in love with Fenton, a young gentleman who her parents disapprove of.

As the play continues, the various plots begin to converge. Falstaff is humiliated when he is dumped in the river, and Dr. Caius is tricked into marrying a boy in disguise instead of Anne. In the end, all the characters come together for a final scene of reconciliation and forgiveness.

SCENE I. A street.

In Scene 1 of Act 4, a group of characters are scheming to get revenge on a man who has wronged them. They plan to humiliate him by tricking him into believing that he will have a sexual encounter with a woman, when in reality he will only be with a man dressed as a woman. The man they are targeting is arrogant and overconfident, so they believe that their plan will work perfectly.

As they are discussing their plan, one of the characters reveals that he has just received a letter from the man they are targeting, in which he brags about his conquests and insults the women of the town. This only strengthens their resolve to get revenge, and they continue to plot and scheme.

Their plan involves several different characters, each with a specific role to play. They discuss the details of the plan and make sure that everyone is clear on what they need to do. They are confident that they can pull it off, and they are excited to see the man get what he deserves.

Overall, Scene 1 of Act 4 is a scene full of scheming and revenge. The characters are determined to get back at the man who has wronged them, and they are willing to go to great lengths to do so. Their plan is elaborate and involves many different characters, but they are confident that they can pull it off and get the revenge that they seek.

Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS QUICKLY, and WILLIAM PAGE

MISTRESS PAGE
Is he at Master Ford's already, think'st thou?
Link: 4.1.1

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Sure he is by this, or will be presently: but,
Link: 4.1.2
truly, he is very courageous mad about his throwing
Link: 4.1.3
into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly.
Link: 4.1.4

MISTRESS PAGE
I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young
Link: 4.1.5
man here to school. Look, where his master comes;
Link: 4.1.6
'tis a playing-day, I see.
Link: 4.1.7
How now, Sir Hugh! no school to-day?
Link: 4.1.8

SIR HUGH EVANS
No; Master Slender is let the boys leave to play.
Link: 4.1.9

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Blessing of his heart!
Link: 4.1.10

MISTRESS PAGE
Sir Hugh, my husband says my son profits nothing in
Link: 4.1.11
the world at his book. I pray you, ask him some
Link: 4.1.12
questions in his accidence.
Link: 4.1.13

SIR HUGH EVANS
Come hither, William; hold up your head; come.
Link: 4.1.14

MISTRESS PAGE
Come on, sirrah; hold up your head; answer your
Link: 4.1.15
master, be not afraid.
Link: 4.1.16

SIR HUGH EVANS
William, how many numbers is in nouns?
Link: 4.1.17

WILLIAM PAGE

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Truly, I thought there had been one number more,
Link: 4.1.19
because they say, ''Od's nouns.'
Link: 4.1.20

SIR HUGH EVANS
Peace your tattlings! What is 'fair,' William?
Link: 4.1.21

WILLIAM PAGE
Pulcher.
Link: 4.1.22

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Polecats! there are fairer things than polecats, sure.
Link: 4.1.23

SIR HUGH EVANS
You are a very simplicity 'oman: I pray you peace.
Link: 4.1.24
What is 'lapis,' William?
Link: 4.1.25

WILLIAM PAGE
A stone.
Link: 4.1.26

SIR HUGH EVANS
And what is 'a stone,' William?
Link: 4.1.27

WILLIAM PAGE
A pebble.
Link: 4.1.28

SIR HUGH EVANS
No, it is 'lapis:' I pray you, remember in your prain.
Link: 4.1.29

WILLIAM PAGE

SIR HUGH EVANS
That is a good William. What is he, William, that
Link: 4.1.31
does lend articles?
Link: 4.1.32

WILLIAM PAGE
Articles are borrowed of the pronoun, and be thus
Link: 4.1.33
declined, Singulariter, nominativo, hic, haec, hoc.
Link: 4.1.34

SIR HUGH EVANS
Nominativo, hig, hag, hog; pray you, mark:
Link: 4.1.35
genitivo, hujus. Well, what is your accusative case?
Link: 4.1.36

WILLIAM PAGE
Accusativo, hinc.
Link: 4.1.37

SIR HUGH EVANS
I pray you, have your remembrance, child,
Link: 4.1.38
accusative, hung, hang, hog.
Link: 4.1.39

MISTRESS QUICKLY
'Hang-hog' is Latin for bacon, I warrant you.
Link: 4.1.40

SIR HUGH EVANS
Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative
Link: 4.1.41
case, William?
Link: 4.1.42

WILLIAM PAGE
O,--vocativo, O.
Link: 4.1.43

SIR HUGH EVANS
Remember, William; focative is caret.
Link: 4.1.44

MISTRESS QUICKLY
And that's a good root.
Link: 4.1.45

SIR HUGH EVANS
'Oman, forbear.
Link: 4.1.46

MISTRESS PAGE

SIR HUGH EVANS
What is your genitive case plural, William?
Link: 4.1.48

WILLIAM PAGE
Genitive case!
Link: 4.1.49

SIR HUGH EVANS

WILLIAM PAGE
Genitive,--horum, harum, horum.
Link: 4.1.51

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Vengeance of Jenny's case! fie on her! never name
Link: 4.1.52
her, child, if she be a whore.
Link: 4.1.53

SIR HUGH EVANS
For shame, 'oman.
Link: 4.1.54

MISTRESS QUICKLY
You do ill to teach the child such words: he
Link: 4.1.55
teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do
Link: 4.1.56
fast enough of themselves, and to call 'horum:' fie upon you!
Link: 4.1.57

SIR HUGH EVANS
'Oman, art thou lunatics? hast thou no
Link: 4.1.58
understandings for thy cases and the numbers of the
Link: 4.1.59
genders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as
Link: 4.1.60
I would desires.
Link: 4.1.61

MISTRESS PAGE
Prithee, hold thy peace.
Link: 4.1.62

SIR HUGH EVANS
Show me now, William, some declensions of your pronouns.
Link: 4.1.63

WILLIAM PAGE
Forsooth, I have forgot.
Link: 4.1.64

SIR HUGH EVANS
It is qui, quae, quod: if you forget your 'quies,'
Link: 4.1.65
your 'quaes,' and your 'quods,' you must be
Link: 4.1.66
preeches. Go your ways, and play; go.
Link: 4.1.67

MISTRESS PAGE
He is a better scholar than I thought he was.
Link: 4.1.68

SIR HUGH EVANS
He is a good sprag memory. Farewell, Mistress Page.
Link: 4.1.69

MISTRESS PAGE
Adieu, good Sir Hugh.
Link: 4.1.70
Get you home, boy. Come, we stay too long.
Link: 4.1.71

Exeunt

SCENE II. A room in FORD'S house.

In Scene 2 of Act 4, two characters discuss their plan to teach a lesson to a man who has been trying to seduce them. They decide to dress up as mythical creatures and invite the man to meet them in the woods at midnight. Meanwhile, a group of townspeople also plan to dress up and play a prank on the man.

As the night falls, the two women put on their costumes and wait for the man to arrive. He shows up and tries to seduce them, but they lead him on and eventually reveal their true identities. The man is embarrassed and runs off into the woods.

The townspeople then appear in their own costumes and play their prank on the man. He is chased around the woods, and eventually falls into a ditch. The townspeople laugh and leave him there.

Overall, Scene 2 of Act 4 is a comedic and lighthearted scene that shows the power of wit and trickery in overcoming unwanted advances.

Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS FORD

FALSTAFF
Mistress Ford, your sorrow hath eaten up my
Link: 4.2.1
sufferance. I see you are obsequious in your love,
Link: 4.2.2
and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not
Link: 4.2.3
only, Mistress Ford, in the simple
Link: 4.2.4
office of love, but in all the accoutrement,
Link: 4.2.5
complement and ceremony of it. But are you
Link: 4.2.6
sure of your husband now?
Link: 4.2.7

MISTRESS FORD
He's a-birding, sweet Sir John.
Link: 4.2.8

MISTRESS PAGE
(Within) What, ho, gossip Ford! what, ho!
Link: 4.2.9

MISTRESS FORD
Step into the chamber, Sir John.
Link: 4.2.10

Exit FALSTAFF

Enter MISTRESS PAGE

MISTRESS PAGE
How now, sweetheart! who's at home besides yourself?
Link: 4.2.11

MISTRESS FORD
Why, none but mine own people.
Link: 4.2.12

MISTRESS PAGE
Indeed!
Link: 4.2.13

MISTRESS FORD
No, certainly.
Link: 4.2.14
Speak louder.
Link: 4.2.15

MISTRESS PAGE
Truly, I am so glad you have nobody here.
Link: 4.2.16

MISTRESS FORD

MISTRESS PAGE
Why, woman, your husband is in his old lunes again:
Link: 4.2.18
he so takes on yonder with my husband; so rails
Link: 4.2.19
against all married mankind; so curses all Eve's
Link: 4.2.20
daughters, of what complexion soever; and so buffets
Link: 4.2.21
himself on the forehead, crying, 'Peer out, peer
Link: 4.2.22
out!' that any madness I ever yet beheld seemed but
Link: 4.2.23
tameness, civility and patience, to this his
Link: 4.2.24
distemper he is in now: I am glad the fat knight is not here.
Link: 4.2.25

MISTRESS FORD
Why, does he talk of him?
Link: 4.2.26

MISTRESS PAGE
Of none but him; and swears he was carried out, the
Link: 4.2.27
last time he searched for him, in a basket; protests
Link: 4.2.28
to my husband he is now here, and hath drawn him and
Link: 4.2.29
the rest of their company from their sport, to make
Link: 4.2.30
another experiment of his suspicion: but I am glad
Link: 4.2.31
the knight is not here; now he shall see his own foolery.
Link: 4.2.32

MISTRESS FORD
How near is he, Mistress Page?
Link: 4.2.33

MISTRESS PAGE
Hard by; at street end; he will be here anon.
Link: 4.2.34

MISTRESS FORD
I am undone! The knight is here.
Link: 4.2.35

MISTRESS PAGE
Why then you are utterly shamed, and he's but a dead
Link: 4.2.36
man. What a woman are you!--Away with him, away
Link: 4.2.37
with him! better shame than murder.
Link: 4.2.38

FORD
Which way should be go? how should I bestow him?
Link: 4.2.39
Shall I put him into the basket again?
Link: 4.2.40

Re-enter FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF
No, I'll come no more i' the basket. May I not go
Link: 4.2.41
out ere he come?
Link: 4.2.42

MISTRESS PAGE
Alas, three of Master Ford's brothers watch the door
Link: 4.2.43
with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise
Link: 4.2.44
you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here?
Link: 4.2.45

FALSTAFF
What shall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney.
Link: 4.2.46

MISTRESS FORD
There they always use to discharge their
Link: 4.2.47
birding-pieces. Creep into the kiln-hole.
Link: 4.2.48

FALSTAFF
Where is it?
Link: 4.2.49

MISTRESS FORD
He will seek there, on my word. Neither press,
Link: 4.2.50
coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an
Link: 4.2.51
abstract for the remembrance of such places, and
Link: 4.2.52
goes to them by his note: there is no hiding you in the house.
Link: 4.2.53

FALSTAFF
I'll go out then.
Link: 4.2.54

MISTRESS PAGE
If you go out in your own semblance, you die, Sir
Link: 4.2.55
John. Unless you go out disguised--
Link: 4.2.56

MISTRESS FORD
How might we disguise him?
Link: 4.2.57

MISTRESS PAGE
Alas the day, I know not! There is no woman's gown
Link: 4.2.58
big enough for him otherwise he might put on a hat,
Link: 4.2.59
a muffler and a kerchief, and so escape.
Link: 4.2.60

FALSTAFF
Good hearts, devise something: any extremity rather
Link: 4.2.61
than a mischief.
Link: 4.2.62

MISTRESS FORD
My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a
Link: 4.2.63
gown above.
Link: 4.2.64

MISTRESS PAGE
On my word, it will serve him; she's as big as he
Link: 4.2.65
is: and there's her thrummed hat and her muffler
Link: 4.2.66
too. Run up, Sir John.
Link: 4.2.67

MISTRESS FORD
Go, go, sweet Sir John: Mistress Page and I will
Link: 4.2.68
look some linen for your head.
Link: 4.2.69

MISTRESS PAGE
Quick, quick! we'll come dress you straight: put
Link: 4.2.70
on the gown the while.
Link: 4.2.71

Exit FALSTAFF

MISTRESS FORD
I would my husband would meet him in this shape: he
Link: 4.2.72
cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears
Link: 4.2.73
she's a witch; forbade her my house and hath
Link: 4.2.74
threatened to beat her.
Link: 4.2.75

MISTRESS PAGE
Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel, and the
Link: 4.2.76
devil guide his cudgel afterwards!
Link: 4.2.77

MISTRESS FORD
But is my husband coming?
Link: 4.2.78

MISTRESS PAGE
Ah, in good sadness, is he; and talks of the basket
Link: 4.2.79
too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.
Link: 4.2.80

MISTRESS FORD
We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the
Link: 4.2.81
basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as
Link: 4.2.82
they did last time.
Link: 4.2.83

MISTRESS PAGE
Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him
Link: 4.2.84
like the witch of Brentford.
Link: 4.2.85

MISTRESS FORD
I'll first direct my men what they shall do with the
Link: 4.2.86
basket. Go up; I'll bring linen for him straight.
Link: 4.2.87

Exit

MISTRESS PAGE
Hang him, dishonest varlet! we cannot misuse him enough.
Link: 4.2.88
We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do,
Link: 4.2.89
Wives may be merry, and yet honest too:
Link: 4.2.90
We do not act that often jest and laugh;
Link: 4.2.91
'Tis old, but true, Still swine eat all the draff.
Link: 4.2.92

Exit

Re-enter MISTRESS FORD with two Servants

MISTRESS FORD
Go, sirs, take the basket again on your shoulders:
Link: 4.2.93
your master is hard at door; if he bid you set it
Link: 4.2.94
down, obey him: quickly, dispatch.
Link: 4.2.95

Exit

First Servant
Come, come, take it up.
Link: 4.2.96

Second Servant
Pray heaven it be not full of knight again.
Link: 4.2.97

First Servant
I hope not; I had as lief bear so much lead.
Link: 4.2.98

Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS

FORD
Ay, but if it prove true, Master Page, have you any
Link: 4.2.99
way then to unfool me again? Set down the basket,
Link: 4.2.100
villain! Somebody call my wife. Youth in a basket!
Link: 4.2.101
O you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a
Link: 4.2.102
pack, a conspiracy against me: now shall the devil
Link: 4.2.103
be shamed. What, wife, I say! Come, come forth!
Link: 4.2.104
Behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching!
Link: 4.2.105

PAGE
Why, this passes, Master Ford; you are not to go
Link: 4.2.106
loose any longer; you must be pinioned.
Link: 4.2.107

SIR HUGH EVANS
Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog!
Link: 4.2.108

SHALLOW
Indeed, Master Ford, this is not well, indeed.
Link: 4.2.109

FORD
So say I too, sir.
Link: 4.2.110
Come hither, Mistress Ford; Mistress Ford the honest
Link: 4.2.111
woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that
Link: 4.2.112
hath the jealous fool to her husband! I suspect
Link: 4.2.113
without cause, mistress, do I?
Link: 4.2.114

MISTRESS FORD
Heaven be my witness you do, if you suspect me in
Link: 4.2.115
any dishonesty.
Link: 4.2.116

FORD
Well said, brazen-face! hold it out. Come forth, sirrah!
Link: 4.2.117

Pulling clothes out of the basket

PAGE
This passes!
Link: 4.2.118

MISTRESS FORD
Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone.
Link: 4.2.119

FORD
I shall find you anon.
Link: 4.2.120

SIR HUGH EVANS
'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's
Link: 4.2.121
clothes? Come away.
Link: 4.2.122

FORD
Empty the basket, I say!
Link: 4.2.123

MISTRESS FORD
Why, man, why?
Link: 4.2.124

FORD
Master Page, as I am a man, there was one conveyed
Link: 4.2.125
out of my house yesterday in this basket: why may
Link: 4.2.126
not he be there again? In my house I am sure he is:
Link: 4.2.127
my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable.
Link: 4.2.128
Pluck me out all the linen.
Link: 4.2.129

MISTRESS FORD
If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death.
Link: 4.2.130

PAGE
Here's no man.
Link: 4.2.131

SHALLOW
By my fidelity, this is not well, Master Ford; this
Link: 4.2.132
wrongs you.
Link: 4.2.133

SIR HUGH EVANS
Master Ford, you must pray, and not follow the
Link: 4.2.134
imaginations of your own heart: this is jealousies.
Link: 4.2.135

FORD
Well, he's not here I seek for.
Link: 4.2.136

PAGE
No, nor nowhere else but in your brain.
Link: 4.2.137

FORD
Help to search my house this one time. If I find
Link: 4.2.138
not what I seek, show no colour for my extremity; let
Link: 4.2.139
me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of
Link: 4.2.140
me, 'As jealous as Ford, Chat searched a hollow
Link: 4.2.141
walnut for his wife's leman.' Satisfy me once more;
Link: 4.2.142
once more search with me.
Link: 4.2.143

MISTRESS FORD
What, ho, Mistress Page! come you and the old woman
Link: 4.2.144
down; my husband will come into the chamber.
Link: 4.2.145

FORD
Old woman! what old woman's that?
Link: 4.2.146

MISTRESS FORD
Nay, it is my maid's aunt of Brentford.
Link: 4.2.147

FORD
A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean! Have I not
Link: 4.2.148
forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does
Link: 4.2.149
she? We are simple men; we do not know what's
Link: 4.2.150
brought to pass under the profession of
Link: 4.2.151
fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells,
Link: 4.2.152
by the figure, and such daubery as this is, beyond
Link: 4.2.153
our element we know nothing. Come down, you witch,
Link: 4.2.154
you hag, you; come down, I say!
Link: 4.2.155

MISTRESS FORD
Nay, good, sweet husband! Good gentlemen, let him
Link: 4.2.156
not strike the old woman.
Link: 4.2.157

Re-enter FALSTAFF in woman's clothes, and MISTRESS PAGE

MISTRESS PAGE
Come, Mother Prat; come, give me your hand.
Link: 4.2.158

FORD
I'll prat her.
Link: 4.2.159
Out of my door, you witch, you hag, you baggage, you
Link: 4.2.160
polecat, you runyon! out, out! I'll conjure you,
Link: 4.2.161
I'll fortune-tell you.
Link: 4.2.162

Exit FALSTAFF

MISTRESS PAGE
Are you not ashamed? I think you have killed the
Link: 4.2.163
poor woman.
Link: 4.2.164

MISTRESS FORD
Nay, he will do it. 'Tis a goodly credit for you.
Link: 4.2.165

FORD
Hang her, witch!
Link: 4.2.166

SIR HUGH EVANS
By the yea and no, I think the 'oman is a witch
Link: 4.2.167
indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard;
Link: 4.2.168
I spy a great peard under his muffler.
Link: 4.2.169

FORD
Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow;
Link: 4.2.170
see but the issue of my jealousy: if I cry out thus
Link: 4.2.171
upon no trail, never trust me when I open again.
Link: 4.2.172

PAGE
Let's obey his humour a little further: come,
Link: 4.2.173
gentlemen.
Link: 4.2.174

Exeunt FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, DOCTOR CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS

MISTRESS PAGE
Trust me, he beat him most pitifully.
Link: 4.2.175

MISTRESS FORD
Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most
Link: 4.2.176
unpitifully, methought.
Link: 4.2.177

MISTRESS PAGE
I'll have the cudgel hallowed and hung o'er the
Link: 4.2.178
altar; it hath done meritorious service.
Link: 4.2.179

MISTRESS FORD
What think you? may we, with the warrant of
Link: 4.2.180
womanhood and the witness of a good conscience,
Link: 4.2.181
pursue him with any further revenge?
Link: 4.2.182

MISTRESS PAGE
The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of
Link: 4.2.183
him: if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with
Link: 4.2.184
fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the
Link: 4.2.185
way of waste, attempt us again.
Link: 4.2.186

MISTRESS FORD
Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him?
Link: 4.2.187

MISTRESS PAGE
Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the
Link: 4.2.188
figures out of your husband's brains. If they can
Link: 4.2.189
find in their hearts the poor unvirtuous fat knight
Link: 4.2.190
shall be any further afflicted, we two will still be
Link: 4.2.191
the ministers.
Link: 4.2.192

MISTRESS FORD
I'll warrant they'll have him publicly shamed: and
Link: 4.2.193
methinks there would be no period to the jest,
Link: 4.2.194
should he not be publicly shamed.
Link: 4.2.195

MISTRESS PAGE
Come, to the forge with it then; shape it: I would
Link: 4.2.196
not have things cool.
Link: 4.2.197

Exeunt

SCENE III. A room in the Garter Inn.

Scene 3 of Act 4 begins with Falstaff, who has been tricked by the wives, hiding in a laundry basket in order to avoid being caught by Ford, who is searching for him. The wives tell their husbands that they have sent Falstaff away, but Ford is suspicious and continues to search the house.

Meanwhile, Mistress Quickly arrives to deliver a message from Falstaff to the wives, but they refuse to see her. Instead, they send her to Falstaff in the laundry basket, where he is surprised to see her. Mistress Quickly tells Falstaff that the wives have sent him a message, which he eagerly receives.

However, the message is a trap. Mistress Quickly tells Falstaff that the wives want him to meet them in the park at midnight, dressed as Herne the Hunter. Falstaff eagerly agrees, but the wives have other plans. They have arranged for a group of children to dress up as fairies and scare Falstaff in the park.

As midnight approaches, the wives and their friends gather in the park to watch the spectacle. Falstaff arrives, dressed as Herne the Hunter, and is quickly surrounded by the children in their fairy costumes. They taunt and scare Falstaff, who is terrified and begs for mercy.

The wives reveal themselves and mock Falstaff for his foolishness. Ford apologizes for his jealousy and everyone reconciles. Falstaff is left alone, humiliated and defeated.

Enter Host and BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH
Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your
Link: 4.3.1
horses: the duke himself will be to-morrow at
Link: 4.3.2
court, and they are going to meet him.
Link: 4.3.3

Host
What duke should that be comes so secretly? I hear
Link: 4.3.4
not of him in the court. Let me speak with the
Link: 4.3.5
gentlemen: they speak English?
Link: 4.3.6

BARDOLPH
Ay, sir; I'll call them to you.
Link: 4.3.7

Host
They shall have my horses; but I'll make them pay;
Link: 4.3.8
I'll sauce them: they have had my house a week at
Link: 4.3.9
command; I have turned away my other guests: they
Link: 4.3.10
must come off; I'll sauce them. Come.
Link: 4.3.11

Exeunt

SCENE IV. A room in FORD'S house.

Scene 4 of Act 4 begins with Falstaff, who is hiding in a laundry basket, being carried by two men to the river. He thinks he is going to meet Mistress Ford, but instead, the men throw him into the water. Meanwhile, Mistress Page and Mistress Ford are discussing the letter they received from Falstaff, which he mistakenly sent to both of them. They decide to come up with a plan to publicly humiliate him.

Fenton, who is in love with Mistress Anne Page, meets her in the garden, and they confess their love for each other. However, they are interrupted by Mistress Quickly, who tells them that Mistress Page and Mistress Ford have a plan to marry Anne to Slender, a man she does not love. Fenton and Anne decide to elope that night.

Back at Mistress Ford's house, Falstaff arrives and is greeted by her husband, who pretends to be a servant. He tells Falstaff that Mistress Ford is not interested in him anymore and that he should leave. Falstaff is confused but agrees to go. However, as he is leaving, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page enter with a group of townspeople, who all mock and humiliate Falstaff for his lecherous behavior.

The scene ends with Falstaff fleeing in embarrassment, and Mistress Page and Mistress Ford reconciling their friendship. Fenton and Anne also elope, and the play ends with a final song celebrating the joy of love.

Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and SIR HUGH EVANS

SIR HUGH EVANS
'Tis one of the best discretions of a 'oman as ever
Link: 4.4.1
I did look upon.
Link: 4.4.2

PAGE
And did he send you both these letters at an instant?
Link: 4.4.3

MISTRESS PAGE
Within a quarter of an hour.
Link: 4.4.4

FORD
Pardon me, wife. Henceforth do what thou wilt;
Link: 4.4.5
I rather will suspect the sun with cold
Link: 4.4.6
Than thee with wantonness: now doth thy honour stand
Link: 4.4.7
In him that was of late an heretic,
Link: 4.4.8
As firm as faith.
Link: 4.4.9

PAGE
'Tis well, 'tis well; no more:
Link: 4.4.10
Be not as extreme in submission
Link: 4.4.11
As in offence.
Link: 4.4.12
But let our plot go forward: let our wives
Link: 4.4.13
Yet once again, to make us public sport,
Link: 4.4.14
Appoint a meeting with this old fat fellow,
Link: 4.4.15
Where we may take him and disgrace him for it.
Link: 4.4.16

FORD
There is no better way than that they spoke of.
Link: 4.4.17

PAGE
How? to send him word they'll meet him in the park
Link: 4.4.18
at midnight? Fie, fie! he'll never come.
Link: 4.4.19

SIR HUGH EVANS
You say he has been thrown in the rivers and has
Link: 4.4.20
been grievously peaten as an old 'oman: methinks
Link: 4.4.21
there should be terrors in him that he should not
Link: 4.4.22
come; methinks his flesh is punished, he shall have
Link: 4.4.23
no desires.
Link: 4.4.24

PAGE
So think I too.
Link: 4.4.25

MISTRESS FORD
Devise but how you'll use him when he comes,
Link: 4.4.26
And let us two devise to bring him thither.
Link: 4.4.27

MISTRESS PAGE
There is an old tale goes that Herne the hunter,
Link: 4.4.28
Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest,
Link: 4.4.29
Doth all the winter-time, at still midnight,
Link: 4.4.30
Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horns;
Link: 4.4.31
And there he blasts the tree and takes the cattle
Link: 4.4.32
And makes milch-kine yield blood and shakes a chain
Link: 4.4.33
In a most hideous and dreadful manner:
Link: 4.4.34
You have heard of such a spirit, and well you know
Link: 4.4.35
The superstitious idle-headed eld
Link: 4.4.36
Received and did deliver to our age
Link: 4.4.37
This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.
Link: 4.4.38

PAGE
Why, yet there want not many that do fear
Link: 4.4.39
In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak:
Link: 4.4.40
But what of this?
Link: 4.4.41

MISTRESS FORD
Marry, this is our device;
Link: 4.4.42
That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us.
Link: 4.4.43

PAGE
Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come:
Link: 4.4.44
And in this shape when you have brought him thither,
Link: 4.4.45
What shall be done with him? what is your plot?
Link: 4.4.46

MISTRESS PAGE
That likewise have we thought upon, and thus:
Link: 4.4.47
Nan Page my daughter and my little son
Link: 4.4.48
And three or four more of their growth we'll dress
Link: 4.4.49
Like urchins, ouphes and fairies, green and white,
Link: 4.4.50
With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads,
Link: 4.4.51
And rattles in their hands: upon a sudden,
Link: 4.4.52
As Falstaff, she and I, are newly met,
Link: 4.4.53
Let them from forth a sawpit rush at once
Link: 4.4.54
With some diffused song: upon their sight,
Link: 4.4.55
We two in great amazedness will fly:
Link: 4.4.56
Then let them all encircle him about
Link: 4.4.57
And, fairy-like, to-pinch the unclean knight,
Link: 4.4.58
And ask him why, that hour of fairy revel,
Link: 4.4.59
In their so sacred paths he dares to tread
Link: 4.4.60
In shape profane.
Link: 4.4.61

MISTRESS FORD
And till he tell the truth,
Link: 4.4.62
Let the supposed fairies pinch him sound
Link: 4.4.63
And burn him with their tapers.
Link: 4.4.64

MISTRESS PAGE
The truth being known,
Link: 4.4.65
We'll all present ourselves, dis-horn the spirit,
Link: 4.4.66
And mock him home to Windsor.
Link: 4.4.67

FORD
The children must
Link: 4.4.68
Be practised well to this, or they'll ne'er do't.
Link: 4.4.69

SIR HUGH EVANS
I will teach the children their behaviors; and I
Link: 4.4.70
will be like a jack-an-apes also, to burn the
Link: 4.4.71
knight with my taber.
Link: 4.4.72

FORD
That will be excellent. I'll go and buy them vizards.
Link: 4.4.73

MISTRESS PAGE
My Nan shall be the queen of all the fairies,
Link: 4.4.74
Finely attired in a robe of white.
Link: 4.4.75

PAGE
That silk will I go buy.
Link: 4.4.76
And in that time
Link: 4.4.77
Shall Master Slender steal my Nan away
Link: 4.4.78
And marry her at Eton. Go send to Falstaff straight.
Link: 4.4.79

FORD
Nay I'll to him again in name of Brook
Link: 4.4.80
He'll tell me all his purpose: sure, he'll come.
Link: 4.4.81

MISTRESS PAGE
Fear not you that. Go get us properties
Link: 4.4.82
And tricking for our fairies.
Link: 4.4.83

SIR HUGH EVANS
Let us about it: it is admirable pleasures and fery
Link: 4.4.84
honest knaveries.
Link: 4.4.85

Exeunt PAGE, FORD, and SIR HUGH EVANS

MISTRESS PAGE
Go, Mistress Ford,
Link: 4.4.86
Send quickly to Sir John, to know his mind.
Link: 4.4.87
I'll to the doctor: he hath my good will,
Link: 4.4.88
And none but he, to marry with Nan Page.
Link: 4.4.89
That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot;
Link: 4.4.90
And he my husband best of all affects.
Link: 4.4.91
The doctor is well money'd, and his friends
Link: 4.4.92
Potent at court: he, none but he, shall have her,
Link: 4.4.93
Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.
Link: 4.4.94

Exit

SCENE V. A room in the Garter Inn.

In Scene 5 of Act 4, two characters, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, discuss their plan to humiliate a man who has been attempting to seduce them both. They have arranged to meet him separately and encourage his advances, but they are actually working together to expose him as a fraud.

Mistress Ford expresses her excitement for the plan, saying that she will lead the man on and then reveal his true intentions. Mistress Page agrees, but expresses some concern that their husbands may find out about the scheme. Mistress Ford is confident that they will not be caught.

As they continue to discuss their plan, the man in question arrives at Mistress Ford's house. Mistress Ford hides him in a laundry basket when her husband comes home unexpectedly. Her husband becomes suspicious and insists on searching the house. Meanwhile, Mistress Page arrives and warns Mistress Ford that her own husband is also on the lookout for the man.

Despite the close calls, the women are able to execute their plan and reveal the man's true intentions to their husbands. The men are angry at the man's behavior and apologize to their wives for not believing them initially.

Enter Host and SIMPLE

Host
What wouldst thou have, boor? what: thick-skin?
Link: 4.5.1
speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick, snap.
Link: 4.5.2

SIMPLE
Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Falstaff
Link: 4.5.3
from Master Slender.
Link: 4.5.4

Host
There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his
Link: 4.5.5
standing-bed and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about
Link: 4.5.6
with the story of the Prodigal, fresh and new. Go
Link: 4.5.7
knock and call; hell speak like an Anthropophaginian
Link: 4.5.8
unto thee: knock, I say.
Link: 4.5.9

SIMPLE
There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his
Link: 4.5.10
chamber: I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come
Link: 4.5.11
down; I come to speak with her, indeed.
Link: 4.5.12

Host
Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll
Link: 4.5.13
call. Bully knight! bully Sir John! speak from
Link: 4.5.14
thy lungs military: art thou there? it is thine
Link: 4.5.15
host, thine Ephesian, calls.
Link: 4.5.16

FALSTAFF
(Above) How now, mine host!
Link: 4.5.17

Host
Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of
Link: 4.5.18
thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let her
Link: 4.5.19
descend; my chambers are honourable: fie! privacy?
Link: 4.5.20

Enter FALSTAFF

FALSTAFF
There was, mine host, an old fat woman even now with
Link: 4.5.22
me; but she's gone.
Link: 4.5.23

SIMPLE
Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of
Link: 4.5.24
Brentford?
Link: 4.5.25

FALSTAFF
Ay, marry, was it, mussel-shell: what would you with her?
Link: 4.5.26

SIMPLE
My master, sir, Master Slender, sent to her, seeing
Link: 4.5.27
her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether
Link: 4.5.28
one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the
Link: 4.5.29
chain or no.
Link: 4.5.30

FALSTAFF
I spake with the old woman about it.
Link: 4.5.31

SIMPLE
And what says she, I pray, sir?
Link: 4.5.32

FALSTAFF
Marry, she says that the very same man that
Link: 4.5.33
beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him of
Link: 4.5.34

SIMPLE
I would I could have spoken with the woman herself;
Link: 4.5.36
I had other things to have spoken with her too from
Link: 4.5.37

FALSTAFF
What are they? let us know.
Link: 4.5.39

Host
Ay, come; quick.
Link: 4.5.40

SIMPLE
I may not conceal them, sir.
Link: 4.5.41

Host
Conceal them, or thou diest.
Link: 4.5.42

SIMPLE
Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress Anne
Link: 4.5.43
Page; to know if it were my master's fortune to
Link: 4.5.44
have her or no.
Link: 4.5.45

FALSTAFF
'Tis, 'tis his fortune.
Link: 4.5.46

SIMPLE
What, sir?
Link: 4.5.47

FALSTAFF
To have her, or no. Go; say the woman told me so.
Link: 4.5.48

SIMPLE
May I be bold to say so, sir?
Link: 4.5.49

FALSTAFF
Ay, sir; like who more bold.
Link: 4.5.50

SIMPLE
I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad
Link: 4.5.51
with these tidings.
Link: 4.5.52

Exit

Host
Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, Sir John. Was
Link: 4.5.53
there a wise woman with thee?
Link: 4.5.54

FALSTAFF
Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught
Link: 4.5.55
me more wit than ever I learned before in my life;
Link: 4.5.56
and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for
Link: 4.5.57
my learning.
Link: 4.5.58

Enter BARDOLPH

BARDOLPH
Out, alas, sir! cozenage, mere cozenage!
Link: 4.5.59

Host
Where be my horses? speak well of them, varletto.
Link: 4.5.60

BARDOLPH
Run away with the cozeners; for so soon as I came
Link: 4.5.61
beyond Eton, they threw me off from behind one of
Link: 4.5.62
them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs and away,
Link: 4.5.63
like three German devils, three Doctor Faustuses.
Link: 4.5.64

Host
They are gone but to meet the duke, villain: do not
Link: 4.5.65
say they be fled; Germans are honest men.
Link: 4.5.66

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS

SIR HUGH EVANS
Where is mine host?
Link: 4.5.67

Host
What is the matter, sir?
Link: 4.5.68

SIR HUGH EVANS
Have a care of your entertainments: there is a
Link: 4.5.69
friend of mine come to town tells me there is three
Link: 4.5.70
cozen-germans that has cozened all the hosts of
Link: 4.5.71
Readins, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and
Link: 4.5.72
money. I tell you for good will, look you: you
Link: 4.5.73
are wise and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks, and
Link: 4.5.74
'tis not convenient you should be cozened. Fare you well.
Link: 4.5.75

Exit

Enter DOCTOR CAIUS

DOCTOR CAIUS
Vere is mine host de Jarteer?
Link: 4.5.76

Host
Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubtful dilemma.
Link: 4.5.77

DOCTOR CAIUS
I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a me dat
Link: 4.5.78
you make grand preparation for a duke de Jamany: by
Link: 4.5.79
my trot, dere is no duke dat the court is know to
Link: 4.5.80
come. I tell you for good vill: adieu.
Link: 4.5.81

Exit

Host
Hue and cry, villain, go! Assist me, knight. I am
Link: 4.5.82
undone! Fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone!
Link: 4.5.83

Exeunt Host and BARDOLPH

FALSTAFF
I would all the world might be cozened; for I have
Link: 4.5.84
been cozened and beaten too. If it should come to
Link: 4.5.85
the ear of the court, how I have been transformed
Link: 4.5.86
and how my transformation hath been washed and
Link: 4.5.87
cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by
Link: 4.5.88
drop and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant
Link: 4.5.89
they would whip me with their fine wits till I were
Link: 4.5.90
as crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered
Link: 4.5.91
since I forswore myself at primero. Well, if my
Link: 4.5.92
wind were but long enough to say my prayers, I would repent.
Link: 4.5.93
Now, whence come you?
Link: 4.5.94

MISTRESS QUICKLY
From the two parties, forsooth.
Link: 4.5.95

FALSTAFF
The devil take one party and his dam the other! and
Link: 4.5.96
so they shall be both bestowed. I have suffered more
Link: 4.5.97
for their sakes, more than the villanous inconstancy
Link: 4.5.98
of man's disposition is able to bear.
Link: 4.5.99

MISTRESS QUICKLY
And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant;
Link: 4.5.100
speciously one of them; Mistress Ford, good heart,
Link: 4.5.101
is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a
Link: 4.5.102
white spot about her.
Link: 4.5.103

FALSTAFF
What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was
Link: 4.5.104
beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow;
Link: 4.5.105
and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of
Link: 4.5.106
Brentford: but that my admirable dexterity of wit,
Link: 4.5.107
my counterfeiting the action of an old woman,
Link: 4.5.108
delivered me, the knave constable had set me i' the
Link: 4.5.109
stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch.
Link: 4.5.110

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you
Link: 4.5.111
shall hear how things go; and, I warrant, to your
Link: 4.5.112
content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good
Link: 4.5.113
hearts, what ado here is to bring you together!
Link: 4.5.114
Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that
Link: 4.5.115
you are so crossed.
Link: 4.5.116

FALSTAFF
Come up into my chamber.
Link: 4.5.117

Exeunt

SCENE VI. Another room in the Garter Inn.

Scene 6 of Act 4 opens with Sir Hugh Evans and Doctor Caius discussing their duel that is scheduled to take place the following day. They both express their desire to win and insult each other's fighting abilities.

Quickly, their conversation is interrupted by Mistress Quickly who informs them that the two women they were both pursuing, Mistress Page and Mistress Ford, have a plan to humiliate Falstaff. The plan involves inviting Falstaff to Mistress Ford's house and then having her husband, Master Ford, come home unexpectedly. When Falstaff is caught, they plan to publicly shame him.

Sir Hugh and Doctor Caius are amused by the plan and decide to join in on the fun. They agree to disguise themselves as a German musician and a French doctor, respectively, to add to the confusion. Mistress Quickly agrees to help as well.

As they are discussing the details of the plan, Falstaff enters the scene and is immediately confronted by Mistress Quickly. She tells him that Mistress Ford is in love with him and wants to see him at her house that evening. Falstaff, believing that he is irresistible to women, eagerly agrees to go.

After Falstaff leaves, Sir Hugh, Doctor Caius, and Mistress Quickly continue to plan their scheme. They decide that the best way to catch Falstaff is to have Mistress Ford dress up as the Fairy Queen and scare him off.

The scene ends with the characters all agreeing to meet at Mistress Ford's house that evening to carry out their plan.

Enter FENTON and Host

Host
Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy: I
Link: 4.6.1
will give over all.
Link: 4.6.2

FENTON
Yet hear me speak. Assist me in my purpose,
Link: 4.6.3
And, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee
Link: 4.6.4
A hundred pound in gold more than your loss.
Link: 4.6.5

Host
I will hear you, Master Fenton; and I will at the
Link: 4.6.6
least keep your counsel.
Link: 4.6.7

FENTON
From time to time I have acquainted you
Link: 4.6.8
With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page;
Link: 4.6.9
Who mutually hath answer'd my affection,
Link: 4.6.10
So far forth as herself might be her chooser,
Link: 4.6.11
Even to my wish: I have a letter from her
Link: 4.6.12
Of such contents as you will wonder at;
Link: 4.6.13
The mirth whereof so larded with my matter,
Link: 4.6.14
That neither singly can be manifested,
Link: 4.6.15
Without the show of both; fat Falstaff
Link: 4.6.16
Hath a great scene: the image of the jest
Link: 4.6.17
I'll show you here at large. Hark, good mine host.
Link: 4.6.18
To-night at Herne's oak, just 'twixt twelve and one,
Link: 4.6.19
Must my sweet Nan present the Fairy Queen;
Link: 4.6.20
The purpose why, is here: in which disguise,
Link: 4.6.21
While other jests are something rank on foot,
Link: 4.6.22
Her father hath commanded her to slip
Link: 4.6.23
Away with Slender and with him at Eton
Link: 4.6.24
Immediately to marry: she hath consented: Now, sir,
Link: 4.6.25
Her mother, ever strong against that match
Link: 4.6.26
And firm for Doctor Caius, hath appointed
Link: 4.6.27
That he shall likewise shuffle her away,
Link: 4.6.28
While other sports are tasking of their minds,
Link: 4.6.29
And at the deanery, where a priest attends,
Link: 4.6.30
Straight marry her: to this her mother's plot
Link: 4.6.31
She seemingly obedient likewise hath
Link: 4.6.32
Made promise to the doctor. Now, thus it rests:
Link: 4.6.33
Her father means she shall be all in white,
Link: 4.6.34
And in that habit, when Slender sees his time
Link: 4.6.35
To take her by the hand and bid her go,
Link: 4.6.36
She shall go with him: her mother hath intended,
Link: 4.6.37
The better to denote her to the doctor,
Link: 4.6.38
For they must all be mask'd and vizarded,
Link: 4.6.39
That quaint in green she shall be loose enrobed,
Link: 4.6.40
With ribands pendent, flaring 'bout her head;
Link: 4.6.41
And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe,
Link: 4.6.42
To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token,
Link: 4.6.43
The maid hath given consent to go with him.
Link: 4.6.44

Host
Which means she to deceive, father or mother?
Link: 4.6.45

FENTON
Both, my good host, to go along with me:
Link: 4.6.46
And here it rests, that you'll procure the vicar
Link: 4.6.47
To stay for me at church 'twixt twelve and one,
Link: 4.6.48
And, in the lawful name of marrying,
Link: 4.6.49
To give our hearts united ceremony.
Link: 4.6.50

Host
Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar:
Link: 4.6.51
Bring you the maid, you shall not lack a priest.
Link: 4.6.52

FENTON
So shall I evermore be bound to thee;
Link: 4.6.53
Besides, I'll make a present recompense.
Link: 4.6.54

Exeunt

Act V

In Act 5 of The Merry Wives of Windsor, the main character, Falstaff, is tricked by the women of the town into believing that he will be meeting with one of them for a romantic encounter. Instead, he is met with a group of children dressed as fairies who torment him. Meanwhile, other characters in the play are dealing with their own romantic entanglements and misunderstandings.

Mistress Page's daughter, Anne, is set to marry Fenton, a young man whom her parents disapprove of. However, the young couple is determined to be together and conspires with the Host of the Garter Inn to trick Mistress Page and her husband into giving their blessing for the marriage.

At the same time, Mistress Ford's husband becomes suspicious of her and Falstaff's relationship and hires a group of men to catch them in the act. However, the women are one step ahead and trick the men into believing that Falstaff is in a basket that they throw into a river.

Eventually, all of the misunderstandings are cleared up and everyone is able to live happily ever after. The play ends with a song praising the town of Windsor and the happy marriages that have been made.

SCENE I. A room in the Garter Inn.

Scene 1 of Act 5 begins with Sir Hugh Evans, Dr. Caius, and Justice Shallow discussing the upcoming duel between Dr. Caius and Sir Hugh's servant, John Rugby. Sir Hugh tries to intervene and prevent the duel, but Dr. Caius insists on fighting.

Meanwhile, Mistress Quickly enters and informs them that Falstaff has been tricked by the Merry Wives and is currently dressed as Herne the Hunter in Windsor Forest. The group decides to go to the forest and see Falstaff's humiliation.

As they enter the forest, they hear strange noises and believe them to be supernatural. Mistress Quickly convinces them that they are witnessing a ritual to summon the ghost of Herne the Hunter. Falstaff, still dressed as Herne, enters and attempts to scare them, but the group sees through his disguise and begins to mock him.

Just then, a group of children dressed as fairies enter the scene and continue to torment Falstaff. The group eventually realizes that they have been tricked by the Merry Wives and leaves the forest, leaving Falstaff alone and humiliated.

Enter FALSTAFF and MISTRESS QUICKLY

FALSTAFF
Prithee, no more prattling; go. I'll hold. This is
Link: 5.1.1
the third time; I hope good luck lies in odd
Link: 5.1.2
numbers. Away I go. They say there is divinity in
Link: 5.1.3
odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death. Away!
Link: 5.1.4

MISTRESS QUICKLY
I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I can to
Link: 5.1.5
get you a pair of horns.
Link: 5.1.6

FALSTAFF
Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince.
Link: 5.1.7
How now, Master Brook! Master Brook, the matter
Link: 5.1.8
will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the
Link: 5.1.9
Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall
Link: 5.1.10
see wonders.
Link: 5.1.11

FORD
Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me
Link: 5.1.12
you had appointed?
Link: 5.1.13

FALSTAFF
I went to her, Master Brook, as you see, like a poor
Link: 5.1.14
old man: but I came from her, Master Brook, like a
Link: 5.1.15
poor old woman. That same knave Ford, her husband,
Link: 5.1.16
hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him,
Link: 5.1.17
Master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell
Link: 5.1.18
you: he beat me grievously, in the shape of a
Link: 5.1.19
woman; for in the shape of man, Master Brook, I fear
Link: 5.1.20
not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know
Link: 5.1.21
also life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along
Link: 5.1.22
with me: I'll tell you all, Master Brook. Since I
Link: 5.1.23
plucked geese, played truant and whipped top, I knew
Link: 5.1.24
not what 'twas to be beaten till lately. Follow
Link: 5.1.25
me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave
Link: 5.1.26
Ford, on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I
Link: 5.1.27
will deliver his wife into your hand. Follow.
Link: 5.1.28
Strange things in hand, Master Brook! Follow.
Link: 5.1.29

Exeunt

SCENE II. Windsor Park.

Scene 2 of Act 5 begins with Falstaff and his accomplices, Bardolph, Pistol, and Mrs. Quickly, hiding in a ditch in Windsor Park. They are dressed in ridiculous disguises and are waiting for Mistress Ford to arrive for their planned rendezvous. When Mistress Ford and Mistress Page arrive, they inform Falstaff that they cannot proceed with their plan as they have been warned of his intentions by their husbands. Falstaff is disappointed and angry at their betrayal and decides to leave.

As Falstaff is leaving, he is stopped by Dr. Caius who challenges him to a sword fight. Falstaff, not wanting to fight, tries to avoid the confrontation but is eventually forced to draw his sword. However, he quickly surrenders and begs for mercy, claiming that he is too old and weak to fight. Dr. Caius and his companions mock Falstaff and leave him in disgrace.

As Falstaff is left alone in the park, he reflects on his misfortunes and his foolishness for pursuing the two married women. He realizes that he was a fool to try and deceive them and that he deserved to be punished for his actions. He also acknowledges that he has lost the respect of his friends and the townspeople and that he must leave Windsor and start anew.

Scene 2 of Act 5 is a pivotal moment in the play as it marks the downfall of Falstaff and his schemes. It also highlights the theme of consequences for one's actions and the importance of honesty and loyalty in relationships.

Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER

PAGE
Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle-ditch till we
Link: 5.2.1
see the light of our fairies. Remember, son Slender,
Link: 5.2.2
my daughter.
Link: 5.2.3

SLENDER
Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her and we have a
Link: 5.2.4
nay-word how to know one another: I come to her in
Link: 5.2.5
white, and cry 'mum;' she cries 'budget;' and by
Link: 5.2.6
that we know one another.
Link: 5.2.7

SHALLOW
That's good too: but what needs either your 'mum'
Link: 5.2.8
or her 'budget?' the white will decipher her well
Link: 5.2.9
enough. It hath struck ten o'clock.
Link: 5.2.10

PAGE
The night is dark; light and spirits will become it
Link: 5.2.11
well. Heaven prosper our sport! No man means evil
Link: 5.2.12
but the devil, and we shall know him by his horns.
Link: 5.2.13
Let's away; follow me.
Link: 5.2.14

Exeunt

SCENE III. A street leading to the Park.

Scene 3 of Act 5 takes place in Windsor Park where Sir John Falstaff is waiting to meet Mistress Ford and Mistress Page. He believes that they have arranged to meet him for a romantic tryst. However, the women have other plans and have set him up for a humiliating prank.

As Falstaff waits, he hears strange noises and is then attacked by a group of disguised men who are actually Mistress Ford and Mistress Page's husbands and their friends. They beat him up and leave him lying on the ground.

After the men leave, Falstaff is visited by Mistress Ford and Mistress Page who reveal their plan to him. They tell him that they have been working together to expose his lies and deceitful behavior. They also reveal that they have sent a letter to his love interest, Mistress Quickly, telling her about his actions.

Falstaff is humiliated and ashamed by the women's actions and begs for their forgiveness. They agree to forgive him, but only if he promises to never again try to seduce married women or use them for his own gain.

The scene ends with Falstaff reflecting on his actions and promising to turn over a new leaf. He is left alone on the stage to contemplate his future and the consequences of his actions.

Enter MISTRESS PAGE, MISTRESS FORD, and DOCTOR CAIUS

MISTRESS PAGE
Master doctor, my daughter is in green: when you
Link: 5.3.1
see your time, take her by the band, away with her
Link: 5.3.2
to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly. Go before
Link: 5.3.3
into the Park: we two must go together.
Link: 5.3.4

DOCTOR CAIUS
I know vat I have to do. Adieu.
Link: 5.3.5

MISTRESS PAGE
Fare you well, sir.
Link: 5.3.6
My husband will not rejoice so much at the abuse of
Link: 5.3.7
Falstaff as he will chafe at the doctor's marrying
Link: 5.3.8
my daughter: but 'tis no matter; better a little
Link: 5.3.9
chiding than a great deal of heart-break.
Link: 5.3.10

MISTRESS FORD
Where is Nan now and her troop of fairies, and the
Link: 5.3.11
Welsh devil Hugh?
Link: 5.3.12

MISTRESS PAGE
They are all couched in a pit hard by Herne's oak,
Link: 5.3.13
with obscured lights; which, at the very instant of
Link: 5.3.14
Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once
Link: 5.3.15
display to the night.
Link: 5.3.16

MISTRESS FORD
That cannot choose but amaze him.
Link: 5.3.17

MISTRESS PAGE
If he be not amazed, he will be mocked; if he be
Link: 5.3.18
amazed, he will every way be mocked.
Link: 5.3.19

MISTRESS FORD
We'll betray him finely.
Link: 5.3.20

MISTRESS PAGE
Against such lewdsters and their lechery
Link: 5.3.21
Those that betray them do no treachery.
Link: 5.3.22

MISTRESS FORD
The hour draws on. To the oak, to the oak!
Link: 5.3.23

Exeunt

SCENE IV. Windsor Park.

Scene 4 of Act 5 in "The Merry Wives of Windsor" begins with a conversation between Sir Hugh Evans and Doctor Caius, two characters who are vying for the affections of a woman named Anne Page. They both believe that the other is trying to sabotage their chances with Anne, and they argue about it.

Meanwhile, Anne's father, Mr. Page, arrives with a group of men to search for his daughter, who has run away with her true love, Fenton. They are all wearing disguises, and they plan to catch Fenton and Anne in the act of eloping.

As they search for the young couple, they come across Falstaff, who is also wearing a disguise and pretending to be the fairy queen, in order to trick the wives of Windsor into giving him money. The men mistake him for Fenton and beat him up.

Eventually, Fenton and Anne appear, having been married in secret. They reveal themselves to the group, and Mr. Page is initially angry, but he eventually forgives them and gives his blessing to their marriage.

The scene ends with the characters all reconciled and singing a song together.

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised, with others as Fairies

SIR HUGH EVANS
Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember your parts:
Link: 5.4.1
be pold, I pray you; follow me into the pit; and
Link: 5.4.2
when I give the watch-'ords, do as I pid you:
Link: 5.4.3
come, come; trib, trib.
Link: 5.4.4

Exeunt

SCENE V. Another part of the Park.

Scene 5 of Act 5 of The Merry Wives of Windsor takes place in a forest at night. Sir John Falstaff, a wealthy and overweight knight, is dressed as Herne the Hunter, a legendary figure. He plans to meet Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, two married women whom he has been trying to seduce. However, he is unaware that the women and their husbands have planned to play a prank on him.

As Falstaff waits for the women, he hears strange noises and becomes frightened. Suddenly, a group of local men dressed as fairies appear and dance around him. Falstaff is terrified and begs for mercy. The men continue to torment him until they finally reveal themselves as the husbands of Mistress Ford and Mistress Page. They mock Falstaff for his attempts to seduce their wives and force him to admit his wrongdoing.

The scene ends with Falstaff humiliated and the husbands and wives reconciled. The women forgive their husbands for suspecting them of infidelity and the men forgive their wives for their playful revenge. The play concludes with a celebration of marriage and community.

Enter FALSTAFF disguised as Herne

FALSTAFF
The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the minute
Link: 5.5.1
draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me!
Link: 5.5.2
Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love
Link: 5.5.3
set on thy horns. O powerful love! that, in some
Link: 5.5.4
respects, makes a beast a man, in some other, a man
Link: 5.5.5
a beast. You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love
Link: 5.5.6
of Leda. O omnipotent Love! how near the god drew
Link: 5.5.7
to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in
Link: 5.5.8
the form of a beast. O Jove, a beastly fault! And
Link: 5.5.9
then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think
Link: 5.5.10
on 't, Jove; a foul fault! When gods have hot
Link: 5.5.11
backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a
Link: 5.5.12
Windsor stag; and the fattest, I think, i' the
Link: 5.5.13
forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can
Link: 5.5.14
blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? my
Link: 5.5.15

Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE

MISTRESS FORD
Sir John! art thou there, my deer? my male deer?
Link: 5.5.17

FALSTAFF
My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain
Link: 5.5.18
potatoes; let it thunder to the tune of Green
Link: 5.5.19
Sleeves, hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes; let
Link: 5.5.20
there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here.
Link: 5.5.21

MISTRESS FORD
Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.
Link: 5.5.22

FALSTAFF
Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch: I will
Link: 5.5.23
keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the fellow
Link: 5.5.24
of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your husbands.
Link: 5.5.25
Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter?
Link: 5.5.26
Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes
Link: 5.5.27
restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome!
Link: 5.5.28

Noise within

MISTRESS PAGE
Alas, what noise?
Link: 5.5.29

MISTRESS FORD
Heaven forgive our sins
Link: 5.5.30

FALSTAFF
What should this be?
Link: 5.5.31

MISTRESS FORD
Away, away!
Link: 5.5.32

They run off

FALSTAFF
I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the
Link: 5.5.33
oil that's in me should set hell on fire; he would
Link: 5.5.34
never else cross me thus.
Link: 5.5.35

Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised as before; PISTOL, as Hobgoblin; MISTRESS QUICKLY, ANNE PAGE, and others, as Fairies, with tapers

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,
Link: 5.5.36
You moonshine revellers and shades of night,
Link: 5.5.37
You orphan heirs of fixed destiny,
Link: 5.5.38
Attend your office and your quality.
Link: 5.5.39
Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes.
Link: 5.5.40

PISTOL
Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys.
Link: 5.5.41
Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap:
Link: 5.5.42
Where fires thou find'st unraked and hearths unswept,
Link: 5.5.43
There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry:
Link: 5.5.44
Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.
Link: 5.5.45

FALSTAFF
They are fairies; he that speaks to them shall die:
Link: 5.5.46
I'll wink and couch: no man their works must eye.
Link: 5.5.47

Lies down upon his face

SIR HUGH EVANS
Where's Bede? Go you, and where you find a maid
Link: 5.5.48
That, ere she sleep, has thrice her prayers said,
Link: 5.5.49
Raise up the organs of her fantasy;
Link: 5.5.50
Sleep she as sound as careless infancy:
Link: 5.5.51
But those as sleep and think not on their sins,
Link: 5.5.52
Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides and shins.
Link: 5.5.53

MISTRESS QUICKLY
About, about;
Link: 5.5.54
Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out:
Link: 5.5.55
Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room:
Link: 5.5.56
That it may stand till the perpetual doom,
Link: 5.5.57
In state as wholesome as in state 'tis fit,
Link: 5.5.58
Worthy the owner, and the owner it.
Link: 5.5.59
The several chairs of order look you scour
Link: 5.5.60
With juice of balm and every precious flower:
Link: 5.5.61
Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest,
Link: 5.5.62
With loyal blazon, evermore be blest!
Link: 5.5.63
And nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing,
Link: 5.5.64
Like to the Garter's compass, in a ring:
Link: 5.5.65
The expressure that it bears, green let it be,
Link: 5.5.66
More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;
Link: 5.5.67
And 'Honi soit qui mal y pense' write
Link: 5.5.68
In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue and white;
Link: 5.5.69
Let sapphire, pearl and rich embroidery,
Link: 5.5.70
Buckled below fair knighthood's bending knee:
Link: 5.5.71
Fairies use flowers for their charactery.
Link: 5.5.72
Away; disperse: but till 'tis one o'clock,
Link: 5.5.73
Our dance of custom round about the oak
Link: 5.5.74
Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget.
Link: 5.5.75

SIR HUGH EVANS
Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order set
Link: 5.5.76
And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be,
Link: 5.5.77
To guide our measure round about the tree.
Link: 5.5.78
But, stay; I smell a man of middle-earth.
Link: 5.5.79

FALSTAFF
Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he
Link: 5.5.80
transform me to a piece of cheese!
Link: 5.5.81

PISTOL
Vile worm, thou wast o'erlook'd even in thy birth.
Link: 5.5.82

MISTRESS QUICKLY
With trial-fire touch me his finger-end:
Link: 5.5.83
If he be chaste, the flame will back descend
Link: 5.5.84
And turn him to no pain; but if he start,
Link: 5.5.85
It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.
Link: 5.5.86

PISTOL
A trial, come.
Link: 5.5.87

SIR HUGH EVANS
Come, will this wood take fire?
Link: 5.5.88

They burn him with their tapers

FALSTAFF
Oh, Oh, Oh!
Link: 5.5.89

MISTRESS QUICKLY
Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!
Link: 5.5.90
About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhyme;
Link: 5.5.91
And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.
Link: 5.5.92
Fie on sinful fantasy!
Link: 5.5.93
Fie on lust and luxury!
Link: 5.5.94
Lust is but a bloody fire,
Link: 5.5.95
Kindled with unchaste desire,
Link: 5.5.96
Fed in heart, whose flames aspire
Link: 5.5.97
As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.
Link: 5.5.98
Pinch him, fairies, mutually;
Link: 5.5.99
Pinch him for his villany;
Link: 5.5.100
Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about,
Link: 5.5.101
Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.
Link: 5.5.102

During this song they pinch FALSTAFF. DOCTOR CAIUS comes one way, and steals away a boy in green; SLENDER another way, and takes off a boy in white; and FENTON comes and steals away ANN PAGE. A noise of hunting is heard within. All the Fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his buck's head, and rises

Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, and MISTRESS FORD

PAGE
Nay, do not fly; I think we have watch'd you now
Link: 5.5.103
Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?
Link: 5.5.104

MISTRESS PAGE
I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher
Link: 5.5.105
Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?
Link: 5.5.106
See you these, husband? do not these fair yokes
Link: 5.5.107
Become the forest better than the town?
Link: 5.5.108

FORD
Now, sir, who's a cuckold now? Master Brook,
Link: 5.5.109
Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here are his
Link: 5.5.110
horns, Master Brook: and, Master Brook, he hath
Link: 5.5.111
enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket, his
Link: 5.5.112
cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be
Link: 5.5.113
paid to Master Brook; his horses are arrested for
Link: 5.5.114
it, Master Brook.
Link: 5.5.115

MISTRESS FORD
Sir John, we have had ill luck; we could never meet.
Link: 5.5.116
I will never take you for my love again; but I will
Link: 5.5.117
always count you my deer.
Link: 5.5.118

FALSTAFF
I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.
Link: 5.5.119

FORD
Ay, and an ox too: both the proofs are extant.
Link: 5.5.120

FALSTAFF
And these are not fairies? I was three or four
Link: 5.5.121
times in the thought they were not fairies: and yet
Link: 5.5.122
the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of my
Link: 5.5.123
powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a
Link: 5.5.124
received belief, in despite of the teeth of all
Link: 5.5.125
rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See now
Link: 5.5.126
how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent, when 'tis upon
Link: 5.5.127
ill employment!
Link: 5.5.128

SIR HUGH EVANS
Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your
Link: 5.5.129
desires, and fairies will not pinse you.
Link: 5.5.130

FORD
Well said, fairy Hugh.
Link: 5.5.131

SIR HUGH EVANS
And leave your jealousies too, I pray you.
Link: 5.5.132

FORD
I will never mistrust my wife again till thou art
Link: 5.5.133
able to woo her in good English.
Link: 5.5.134

FALSTAFF
Have I laid my brain in the sun and dried it, that
Link: 5.5.135
it wants matter to prevent so gross o'erreaching as
Link: 5.5.136
this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too? shall I
Link: 5.5.137
have a coxcomb of frize? 'Tis time I were choked
Link: 5.5.138
with a piece of toasted cheese.
Link: 5.5.139

SIR HUGH EVANS
Seese is not good to give putter; your belly is all putter.
Link: 5.5.140

FALSTAFF
'Seese' and 'putter'! have I lived to stand at the
Link: 5.5.141
taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This
Link: 5.5.142
is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking
Link: 5.5.143
through the realm.
Link: 5.5.144

MISTRESS PAGE
Why Sir John, do you think, though we would have the
Link: 5.5.145
virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders
Link: 5.5.146
and have given ourselves without scruple to hell,
Link: 5.5.147
that ever the devil could have made you our delight?
Link: 5.5.148

FORD
What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?
Link: 5.5.149

MISTRESS PAGE
A puffed man?
Link: 5.5.150

PAGE
Old, cold, withered and of intolerable entrails?
Link: 5.5.151

FORD
And one that is as slanderous as Satan?
Link: 5.5.152

PAGE
And as poor as Job?
Link: 5.5.153

FORD
And as wicked as his wife?
Link: 5.5.154

SIR HUGH EVANS
And given to fornications, and to taverns and sack
Link: 5.5.155
and wine and metheglins, and to drinkings and
Link: 5.5.156
swearings and starings, pribbles and prabbles?
Link: 5.5.157

FALSTAFF
Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me; I
Link: 5.5.158
am dejected; I am not able to answer the Welsh
Link: 5.5.159
flannel; ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me: use
Link: 5.5.160
me as you will.
Link: 5.5.161

FORD
Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one
Link: 5.5.162
Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to
Link: 5.5.163
whom you should have been a pander: over and above
Link: 5.5.164
that you have suffered, I think to repay that money
Link: 5.5.165
will be a biting affliction.
Link: 5.5.166

PAGE
Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a posset
Link: 5.5.167
to-night at my house; where I will desire thee to
Link: 5.5.168
laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her
Link: 5.5.169
Master Slender hath married her daughter.
Link: 5.5.170

MISTRESS PAGE
(Aside) Doctors doubt that: if Anne Page be my
Link: 5.5.171
daughter, she is, by this, Doctor Caius' wife.
Link: 5.5.172

Enter SLENDER

SLENDER
Whoa ho! ho, father Page!
Link: 5.5.173

PAGE
Son, how now! how now, son! have you dispatched?
Link: 5.5.174

SLENDER
Dispatched! I'll make the best in Gloucestershire
Link: 5.5.175
know on't; would I were hanged, la, else.
Link: 5.5.176

PAGE
Of what, son?
Link: 5.5.177

SLENDER
I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page,
Link: 5.5.178
and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not been
Link: 5.5.179
i' the church, I would have swinged him, or he
Link: 5.5.180
should have swinged me. If I did not think it had
Link: 5.5.181
been Anne Page, would I might never stir!--and 'tis
Link: 5.5.182
a postmaster's boy.
Link: 5.5.183

PAGE
Upon my life, then, you took the wrong.
Link: 5.5.184

SLENDER
What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took
Link: 5.5.185
a boy for a girl. If I had been married to him, for
Link: 5.5.186
all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have had
Link: 5.5.187

PAGE
Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you how
Link: 5.5.189
you should know my daughter by her garments?
Link: 5.5.190

SLENDER
I went to her in white, and cried 'mum,' and she
Link: 5.5.191
cried 'budget,' as Anne and I had appointed; and yet
Link: 5.5.192
it was not Anne, but a postmaster's boy.
Link: 5.5.193

MISTRESS PAGE
Good George, be not angry: I knew of your purpose;
Link: 5.5.194
turned my daughter into green; and, indeed, she is
Link: 5.5.195
now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.
Link: 5.5.196

Enter DOCTOR CAIUS

DOCTOR CAIUS
Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened: I ha'
Link: 5.5.197
married un garcon, a boy; un paysan, by gar, a boy;
Link: 5.5.198
it is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozened.
Link: 5.5.199

MISTRESS PAGE
Why, did you take her in green?
Link: 5.5.200

DOCTOR CAIUS
Ay, by gar, and 'tis a boy: by gar, I'll raise all Windsor.
Link: 5.5.201

Exit

FORD
This is strange. Who hath got the right Anne?
Link: 5.5.202

PAGE
My heart misgives me: here comes Master Fenton.
Link: 5.5.203
How now, Master Fenton!
Link: 5.5.204

ANNE PAGE
Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon!
Link: 5.5.205

PAGE
Now, mistress, how chance you went not with Master Slender?
Link: 5.5.206

MISTRESS PAGE
Why went you not with master doctor, maid?
Link: 5.5.207

FENTON
You do amaze her: hear the truth of it.
Link: 5.5.208
You would have married her most shamefully,
Link: 5.5.209
Where there was no proportion held in love.
Link: 5.5.210
The truth is, she and I, long since contracted,
Link: 5.5.211
Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.
Link: 5.5.212
The offence is holy that she hath committed;
Link: 5.5.213
And this deceit loses the name of craft,
Link: 5.5.214
Of disobedience, or unduteous title,
Link: 5.5.215
Since therein she doth evitate and shun
Link: 5.5.216
A thousand irreligious cursed hours,
Link: 5.5.217
Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.
Link: 5.5.218

FORD
Stand not amazed; here is no remedy:
Link: 5.5.219
In love the heavens themselves do guide the state;
Link: 5.5.220
Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.
Link: 5.5.221

FALSTAFF
I am glad, though you have ta'en a special stand to
Link: 5.5.222
strike at me, that your arrow hath glanced.
Link: 5.5.223

PAGE
Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!
Link: 5.5.224
What cannot be eschew'd must be embraced.
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FALSTAFF
When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased.
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MISTRESS PAGE
Well, I will muse no further. Master Fenton,
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Heaven give you many, many merry days!
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Good husband, let us every one go home,
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And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire;
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Sir John and all.
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FORD
Let it be so. Sir John,
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To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word
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For he tonight shall lie with Mistress Ford.
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Exeunt